True love. Is it worth it to take a chance at finding love in a foreign country? I did. And I just passed the 13-year mark with Marlene. Well, you can't fall in love without putting yourself out there and playing the dating game, whether it be in the physical world or in the online arena. So what's different about dating someone from Panama? Let's talk about that.
"I met Marlene in Alaska, when she was there visiting her cousin, and I just
couldn't let her escape back to Panama without me." -Chris (U.S.)
A lot of people move to Panama with a spouse, making them part of an
adventurous couple ready to settle down in this Central American wonderland.
For those people, this article might not provide much need-to-know info, but I
think, in many ways they could still benefit from this, because many of the topics I'll discuss in this article have to do with how we conduct ourselves in public. Life in Panama is
different, and by acting the way we did back home, we can sometimes ostracize
ourselves.
Now, for single people moving to Panama, and maybe even some
Panamanians in the dating game, I hope this article gives you some new insight
on the mixing and mingling world of love and new friendships. Now, before
someone writes in saying, “Wait a minute, Chris. You’ve been married for 13
years. What would you know about dating in this day and age?” Totally true. I
have been married to my Panamanian wife, Marlene, for a long time. However,
both Marlene and I, have worked in Panama. We’ve been around young singles and
not-so-young singles, and we’ve heard all the stories, all the complaints, and
all the expectations. You should hear some of the stories we’ve been privy too.
Through what we’ve both learned, we’ve compiled a list, and
I want to share that with you now. These are in no specific order, and as always,
I don’t aim to upset anyone, not Panamanian and not readers from any other country.
I love Panama and its people, so in no way is this meant to insult anyone.
Just like when I wrote my 10 Things You’ll Hate About Panama
article, which you can read HERE if you missed it, and in my 15 Quirky Things
About Panama, which you can read HERE, I’m sure I’ll have people write in
saying they’ve never seen or heard of such things and that I’m full of it. Someone
wrote that they’ve never seen anyone put ketchup on food here in Panama and
wondered where I’m getting my info. So again, these are all things I’ve either
witnessed myself or have heard from friends, coworkers, or family members. This
is Panama For Real. Let’s get to dating in Panama.
Before breaking down this list of 10 things you should know,
I think it’s important to say that I know what a lot of people are expecting me
to add to the list. It’s no secret that men (and women) have moved to Panama
and have been swindled by some money-hungry, gold-digging lover. It happens.
But as with most things negative here in Panama, it happens all over the world,
and that’s why I haven’t added the subject to the 10 things list, but will address it on its own.
If you flip through the TV channels and check out some of
the reality shows, you’ll see that in the U.S. plenty of young women are going
after older men with money. If you turn to the world of online dating, it’s
easy to find Latinas searching for wealthy men, Russian mail order brides,
Asian seductresses, and American escorts all looking for a buck. It happens
everywhere and definitely isn’t unique to Panama. And it's not unique to women. Ladies are screwed over by young men trying to sleep their way to the top, all the time, and gay men and women encounter this situation too.
When you think about it, it’s just a big game. If you’re an
older, single guy here in Panama, trying to pick up a 20-something sex kitten,
you have to know what you’re setting yourself up for. You want that sex kitten
for a reason, and that sex kitten is going to get something out of it too. If
you’re an older woman, searching for a young, muscle-bound stud, a boy toy,
chances are, he’s got goals too.
"I'm a REAL Panamanian woman. I'm single and open to finding
an honest, fun, and loving man. No games here." -Lupe (Panama)
And it's not just young men and women pulling this scam. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it's the haves and the have-nots. And there are plenty of people in Panama, and everywhere else, more than willing to date someone just because they think he or she has money. So just be careful. If you're out with someone you're freshly dating and they hint that they like a pair of shoes, okay, maybe you buy them a gift. But if it turns out they continuously ask for these "gifts" and every date seems to be a trip to the mall, you might want to stop and think about what you're getting yourself into.
That said, it’s important to note that Panama is full of
lovely ladies and respectable gentlemen, more than willing to start an honest
relationship with the right person. You, as a foreigner, just need to get
realistic with your searching. You don’t go to South Beach in Miami and find
the youngest blond with the biggest boobs in a string bikini, because you want
to settle down and have a loving relationship, come on. And chances are, this
bombshell doesn’t have her sights set on a 70-year-old man.
So you also don’t
go to Panama, hit the casinos, and find the youngest, hottest, guy or gal with
the tightest body. You have to look deeper than that if you want to find a good
man or woman in Panama, just like anyplace else.
My Canadian friend, Michael, just moved to Panama and had an
unfortunate experience with dating. He's single again, ladies!
You’ll notice that I’ve included photos of single people and some couples in this article. Real people are out there. And the couples? These are all interracial couples (sounds weird to call it that), Panamanians
who’ve met and have fallen in love with someone from a foreign country. So it
can be done. These are people who are in committed relationships. So let’s talk
about some of the stuff that makes these relationships work.
The list you’re about to read is the 10 Things You Should
Know About Dating In Panama. Some of it might be a bit controversial. It might
piss some people off, but none of this is fairytale. This is all info collected
from single people out in the dating world. You may not agree with some of it,
but I’m sure if you ask around, you’ll find someone who does. And as always,
this doesn’t pertain to every single Panamanian or gringo or other foreigner,
but it does apply to quite a few of them, lol.
Dress Appropriately
–
This is probably the number one complaint I hear from Panamanian friends.
"Why do gringos always look like backpackers? Why don't they ever dress up?"
Now this is a pimped out way to dress for a date
I get it, trust me, I do. If your life back home was
anything like mine (I wore a suit 5 days a week), you’re loving being able to
throw on shorts, a tank top, and a pair of flip flops. And that’s fine if you’re just
lounging around your home, chilling out in a hammock, or running in to the
supermarket real quick to pick up some eggs. But if you’re going on a date,
Panamanians would hope that you’d dress accordingly.
“I went on a date one time and this guy showed up in shorts, sneakers, and a T-shirt. We were just going to the movies, but I wanted to dress to impress him and apparently he didn’t care to do the same.” -Lisette (Panama)
That’s a very real situation. Just because we’re in a place
with a laidback lifestyle, don’t leave your manners back home. Whether you’re a
man or a woman, if you’re going out on a date, it’s a good idea to dress as if
their opinion of you matters. At least throw on a pair of jeans, some casual
shoes, and a button up shirt or polo. And cologne or perfume is also greatly
appreciated J.
You Might Meet The
Parents –
Unlike in the U.S., where we’re all itching to get out on our own
as soon as we reach the age of 18, Panamanians will typically stay at home
until they’re married. This could mean well into their 30s. It really doesn’t
matter the age. If they’re single, they might still live at home.
"I met Alberto when we lived in the same building. He courted
me by constantly making me Panamanian derretidos." (Lilieth, Nicaragua)
Now, this doesn’t apply to all Panamanians. I know plenty
living on their own, but it’s very common here to share a home with your
parents. I have friends who’ve left the home, one has even gotten married, and
after the divorce, he’s back with his parents. This is a very family oriented
country. So there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it’s the opposite, and
it’s the single parent moving back in with the child. I’ve seen that too.
How does this apply to dating? Well, first, you might
unexpectedly meet mom, and second, you might not get invited in at the end of
the date, not if there are family members waiting inside. Panama is huge on
respect for the family. So make sure you keep that in mind.
Don’t Be A Wallflower
–
One of the biggest turn offs for Panamanian women especially, but it also
applies to Panamanian men, is a date who doesn’t dance. Dancing is a big part
of Panamanian culture. If you’re young, you’ll probably end up in a nightclub
(still called discos here) with reggaeton, rap, and techno. If you’re a little older, you’ll probably be taken to a salsa or tipico
club, so be ready to dance.
"Randy and I worked together for awhile. It wasn't until after I left the job that he
got the guts to ask me out." -Anabell (Panama, Randy is from the U.S.)
The good news? It doesn’t necessarily matter whether or not
you can dance. It matters that you try. Marlene used to get so mad at me
because I didn’t want to dance. I always felt like people would make fun of me
and giggle, like, “Look at the goofy gringo.” And they probably do. Now, I try
to just get out on the dance floor and have a good time. Sure, there are times
when I don’t feel like dancing, but Marlene will usually convince me.
If You Don’t Dance,
Someone Else Will –
I’ve written before about the “no shame” Panamanian
men, and some women display. If a man likes you in Panama, he’s going to tell
you, either with a whistle, a hiss, or a honk of the horn. And some women are
the same.
This applies to dating too. Don’t be surprised to see men
staring at your date (or women).
If you're afraid to dance, take a salsa class
A friend told us about one night when she was at a casino, with
a guy she’d been dating for awhile. They were having a great time, dancing the
night away to the live band. When they finally took a break and sat down for a
second, a guy immediately approached, completely ignored her date, and asked
her if she’d like to dance. She was surprised because she’d had men look at her
and flirt with her and stuff, but it was the first time she’d been approached
like that while with her boyfriend. She turned the guy down and had to calm her
boyfriend down, who was not surprisingly pissed.
So, back to the dancing thing. This guy had been dancing
with his date and someone still tried to step in, so imagine if you’re just
sitting at a table, and your lady looks bored (or your man). There’s a good
chance someone might come along to turn that frown upside down.
Don’t Be Afraid To
Speak Spanish –
My Spanish still stucks. I’m very well aware of that, but
I’m forced to try all day, every day, in order to get my point across. I
understand that some people are embarrassed to try (I still am sometimes), but
if you’re on a date with someone who speaks very little, if any, English, it
will be so much appreciated if you just try.
"The moment I met Tom 17 years ago in Japan, I knew he was trouble."
-Virginia (Panama/U.S., Tom is from the U.S.)
So don't be afraid. If your date laughs or giggles a little,
they’re probably not making fun of you. It’s usually because they find it cute
that you’re trying. It’s the same when someone tries to speak English around
you. I used to love my wife’s accent and found it not only cute, but extremely
sexy when she’d try to speak English. Now, she’s great with English (and still
sexy honey, don’t worry) and I hardly notice an accent.
If you’re at a dinner, try to use a little bit of Spanish
when glancing over a menu. What better way to communicate and flirt a little
than having your date help you with your language skills? Plus, after a couple
glasses of wine, you might even find it a little easier to roll your Rs.
Watch Out For That
Latin Jealousy –
For a place where the people seem shameless, there’s
definitely no shortage of jealousy.
Panama is full of hot women and handsome studs, so don’t let your eyes
wander when you’re with your date. You can try and play it off all you want,
but they’ll probably notice and it’s not the best way to get the ball rolling.
It’s no different form any other place in the world, really. If you start your
date by checking out other women (or men), that’s keying your date in on the
fact that you’ll probably continue doing it throughout the relationship.
"Gay relationships in Panama can be a bit confusing and difficult because
Panamanians are so sensitive and jealous. I haven't found my soul mate yet,
but I'm still in the process of searching." -Phablo (Guatemala, living in Panama)
And unfortunately, Panamanian men aren’t know for being
loyal to their women. It’s a fact, a sad one, but true. I know people in the
States and in other countries cheat on their spouses, but I never heard about
it there the way I do here. I’m always hearing stories about cheating spouses,
and most of the time it’s the double-dealing husband. So Panamanian women
expect that. It’s up to you to show them something different. And trust me, if
you set off down an unfaithful path, you’re going to see a fiery temper fly.
Here’s Whatsapp
-
Right now it’s Whatsapp, but in the
future it could be any text messaging service or hot phone application.
Whatsapp, if you don’t already know, is a free app you can download for your
Smartphone. It allows you to chat with other people, I think anyplace in the
world (I text friends and family in the U.S. all the time), as if they were
right here in Panama. It’s hugely popular here.
What does that mean? It means you might end up speaking to
your date through text messaging over the phone instead of actually speaking.
It’s just the way things are here. So it’s a good idea to download the app
ahead of time to make it easy to communicate.
"We met while working together in the U.S., and moved to Panama last year.
12 years of marriage and still going strong." -Alyce (U.S., Juan Carlos is from Panama)
Something to add, don’t be surprised to see your date text
messaging during dinner or a movie. I know, I know, it’ unacceptable. It drives you
crazy. And it’s not a good sign on a first date (or any date for that matter),
but Panama is ridiculously plugged in. Everyone, and I mean everyone from age
12 (or younger) to age 70 (and up) has a Smartphone and is constantly checking it.
I mentioned on Facebook just the other day that I was
shocked to see a girl on the back of a motorcycle, chatting away with both
hands while the driver zigzagged through traffic. That girl must really trust
her thighs.
You Said 8 o’clock
(ish) right? –
I can hear my Panamanian friends groaning on this one, but come on guys, it’s so true. Tardiness is just part of Panama’s mañana attitude. Everything is super chill and relaxed here, which is one of the main reasons you’re interested in Panama, right? I mean we all come here hoping to escape some of the stress and work-before-life mentality. Well, that relaxation carries into all parts of life here.
I can hear my Panamanian friends groaning on this one, but come on guys, it’s so true. Tardiness is just part of Panama’s mañana attitude. Everything is super chill and relaxed here, which is one of the main reasons you’re interested in Panama, right? I mean we all come here hoping to escape some of the stress and work-before-life mentality. Well, that relaxation carries into all parts of life here.
"I met this devil dog at a Farewell party, we started hanging out with no expectations,
and love just happened. We've been together 4 years now. Couldn't be happier."
-Dafne (Panama, Brendan is from the U.S.)
If you’re planning a party, you need to know that if you
tell people to show up at 7pm, no one will arrive until after 8 (if that
early). I found this out when I threw my first big birthday bash. I worked at a
call center and invited almost everyone in the building. I think the party
started at 9pm or something like that. At 9:30 I was standing in my empty
living room thinking, “Damn, this sucks.” The
neighbors were having a hoppin’ party down the street. Why was mine so dead?
By 11pm my party was almost out of control. I had people on
the back balcony, stuffed into both living rooms, and out in front of our house on the
street.
I tell you this because you need to know ahead of time that
if you tell your date to be ready, or to meet you, at 8pm, expect them to be
ready at 9. It’s not meant to be disrespectful and it doesn’t mean they’re
going to stand you up, it probably just means they haven’t arrived yet, and
it’s as simple as that.
Push
Buttons
–
I don’t know whether you
kiss on the first date or not, and I don’t know how many dates you’re going on
with your potential suitor, so I have no idea of knowing how it will end up.
Let’s say things escalate and you’re both all hot and heavy, looking for a
place to do the ditty. We’ve already established that there’s a good chance you
won’t be able to go back to their place and I know nothing about your place.
Maybe you’re staying in a crowded hostel or maybe you have kids at home with
the nanny. For whatever reason, you’re looking for a place to wind down your
date.
If you’ve ever seen those buildings on the side of Transistmica or
Avenida Domingo Diaz or many other places, the ones that look like cheap Vegas
hotels, and didn’t know what they were, they’re called Push Buttons. They’re
basically in-and-out, convenient places for people to have a secret rendezvous. They're not whore houses as some people seem to think. You'll need to bring a date with you.
This is a push button
When you drive in, you’ll see a bunch of open garage doors. Just
pull your car in, park, turn off the ignition (seriously, people have been
nervous and ended up dead from leaving their car running in the garage), and
push the button to close the garage door. That signals someone inside that you
want a room. Prices differ, depending on the type of room (you pay more for the
fancier ones) and the amount of time you want to use the room. I think the average for a cheap
room is about $12 for two hours, something like that.
The attendant will take your payment through a slot in the door and
then you can enter. You never see the attendant and your car is secure in the
garage, so it’s all secret and discreet. I’ll write more about this some other
time, but I just thought you should know, in case you’re nearing the end of
your date and you’re either being driven into a push button, your date mentions
it, or it’s your idea altogether.
Using
Protection -
I have to be careful with this one, because it might upset
people. I won’t say that EVERYONE in the U.S. uses a condom during sex, but I
can tell you that it seems that NO ONE wears one here. Ok, I’m sure some people
do, lol.
However, I've heard some wild and crazy sex stories, from people with no shame, blurting out their adventures for all to hear. Sometimes, after hearing these insane hook up stories, I'd say, "Please tell me you wore a condom.” The reply was always
something like, “Ha, what? No.”
This was the reply when talking to male and female
coworkers, gay and straight. I met a guy one time that was dating one girl,
sleeping with another girl, and had just hooked up with a 3rd random
girl. None of these 3 girls knew what was going on. Was he wearing a condom?
Not with any of them.
I was talking with Marlene about it, when planning to write
this post, and she said the exact same thing, that she was blown away by the
amount of people not wearing protection. These are young college kids and
business professionals, young and older.
Condom directions on our hotel nightstand in Las Tablas
So, whether you’re dating someone of the same sex, or the
opposite sex, this is something you need to keep in mind. I’m not going to sit
here and preach to people, but seriously, for your safety, for the safety of
your date, and to make sure there aren’t any more single mothers out there, you
should seriously think about using a condom.
If you’re reading this article, and you’re not someone who
goes without protection, ask around. You might be shocked to find out how many
people are going at it completely naked.
Well, that's it for the 10 Things You Should Know About Dating In Panama. I'm sure some of you out there could easily come up with more. If so, fill us in in the comments section below.
Thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who sent in photos for this article. You guys rock!
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