Battling Depression in Panama

Hey everybody,

Awhile back, before he actually moved to Panama, an online buddy of mine (we need to get together for a beer soon, Todd) asked in an expat forum, how expats deal with depression. It wasn’t that he was depressed himself (he’s an ex-military guy and moves around a lot), but since he was planning a move to Panama, he wanted to know how foreigners in Panama deal with this oh-so-real situation. It was a great question, and it has stuck with me ever since. Depression happens. I’m here in Panama with my wife and 4 kids, and it has happened to me, so I’m sure for those people moving here alone, depression is a serious condition they battle from time to time. And if you’ve ever gone through depression, it can be debilitating if not dealt with properly and immediately.

Now, I’m no web doctor, and I don’t want to scare anyone who's considering a move to Panama. In fact, a move to Panama is probably much easier than a move to many other countries (considering you’ll be using the U.S. dollar, you'll be in the same time zone for the most part, and you can communicate and get back to the U.S. or Canada relatively easily). But it’s not Kansas anymore, Toto. You might experience a little bit of culture shock and even if you don’t, you might at some point ask yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?” If you hang in there long enough, and fight off that urge to pack up and go home, you’ll probably find that a life in Panama is quite rewarding. There’s a reason you considered moving to Panama in the first place. Remember that. You know the saying, The grass is always greener on the other side. Giving up will only make you happy when you first arrive home. Then, maybe a year later, you’re going to be wondering why you didn’t stick around a little longer.

Some of you reading this may be going through a little bit of depression right now. Hopefully by reading this article, you’ll realize that you’re not alone in this, and there are some things you can do to help you battle this feeling.

Feeling down? The first step to battling depression is 

to smear cupcake on your face...like this!

As I write this, I’m sitting in New York Bagels in El Cangrejo, munching on a honey wheat bagel with jalapeño and red pepper cream cheese. I see groups of people gathered together gossiping while eating a light snack. I can see five people with laptops open, using the restaurant’s free Wifi (free with a purchase of any kind). Usually I visit this place to meet one of my friends for breakfast, but today I have no meeting planned. So why am I here? I’m here because I need to get out of the house. I’m starting to feel cooped up. And to beat any of that anxiety or depression that might start rearing its ugly little head soon, I’m getting out in public and feeding off of the energy around me while writing this article. Getting out of the house and around people is one way of beating depression. Let's talk more about what you might experience here in Panama. 

At New York Bagels in El Cangrejo

When you first move to Panama, you’re going to be filled with an electricity, an excitement about ignoring all those people back home who tried to stop you from making this decision. You'll be proud of yourself for finally making the leap. It's a great feeling. You did it. You’re in Panama. It might take a little while for the normal worries to finally sink in, but at some point, some of the following might cross your mind.

My family is so far away – Many of the people trying this retire overseas lifestyle will have children and grandchildren. More than likely, the children are grown, but not hearing the laughter of your grandchildren can be tough. Unless you live in Panama City, you’ll probably find that Panama is a quiet place. If you’ve ever had children running around your living room and climbing over your lap and leaving the toilet seat up (remember I have 2 boys so I hear about this one all the time), that lack of wild energy might be overwhelming. Silence is extremely loud when it’s all you hear. Marlene reminded me of this often when we lived in our little apartment in Anchorage, Alaska. She missed the sound of car horns and birds and noisy neighbors. So for many people living in the interior of Panama, this may be a lot to bear.

How do you deal with this?

Well, if you need any immediate being-around-kids fix, take a walk. Go somewhere you know children will be and get some exercise. Just take a stroll past a school or go to a park. If you’re in Panama City, Parque Omar in San Francisco is an excellent place to go. Kids are everywhere playing on jungle gyms and running and tumbling. You’d be surprised. The lively sounds of kids at play might help a little bit, and getting out of the house and enjoying some fresh air will definitely make you feel a little better.

Parque Omar is a colorful and lively park full of children's laughter

Make sure you have Skype installed on your computer and have frequent Skype meetings with your family members. If you both have Skype installed, it’ll be free. We do live video chats with my mom every Sunday. She sees the kids and they see her as if they’re in the same room. It definitely helps us keep in touch. If we didn’t do this, my kids would have a hard time remembering Grandma. If you’re not sure how to do this, just go to the following link and download the program to your computer. Then tell your family to do the same. Just go to www.skype.com.

If you really want to feel in touch with your family, make sure you have Whatsapp installed on your phone. Your family members and friends will need to download it too. It’s free, or I think actually $1 per year. Make sure they put your phone number in as +507 and your number. My mom and brothers have Whatsapp and we chat on our phones as if we’re all living on the same block. Another cool app a friend recently told me about is Glide. With Glide, you can video chat on your phone the same way you’d chat on Whatsapp. You set it up pretty much the same way, and you can video chat right on your phone, sending messages back and forth with your loved ones.

Also, with devices like Magic Jack (I know there are many others out there, but I have a Magic Jack thanks to my good friend Michael Drouillard) you can call and receive calls as if you’re in the same country as your loved ones. I have a Miami phone number hooked up to it. I think it’s only like $30 a year to be able to do this. What phone company would let you make unlimited calls to another country for only $30 per year? The last time I was in the U.S., I saw Magic Jacks in stores like Walmart, Walgreens, and CVS, so I know they’re easy to get. You can check out their website too at www.magicjack.com. 

I just want to feel self-sufficient – One thing that I’m sure all expats deal with, is the feeling that you can’t get anything accomplished on your own. If you don’t come here knowing at least a little bit of Spanish, you may have even more trouble with this one. I speak very little Spanish and I battle with this a lot. 

I think, even for Spanish-speaking expats, learning to adapt to the Panamanian way of life will still be a challenge. For example, a Venezuelan couple at my kids’ school seemed to have a bit of a hard time when the folklore teacher sent out a note saying that all kids must bring cutarras and a sombrero for boys or the pollera and babuchas for girls (for more on these Panama items, read my article on Panama school tips and pointers here). 

My kids modeling the congo-style folklore clothes

Being new to Panama, they had no idea where to get these things. Everyone told them to go to Sal si Puedes, which is a shopping area on Ave. Central (near Casco Viejo), but since they didn’t know their way around, even though they spoke Spanish, this was like Greek to them. So, feeling that you can’t accomplish things on your own might make you feel a little bit down.

Sal si Puedes is the shopping area to the left and right of that stoplight

How do you deal with this?

First, it’s not a fix-all, but it will be tremendously helpful if you learn to speak Spanish. Enroll in a local class (which will also help you make friends here). If you can speak the language, at least you can ask questions when you don’t understand something or know where something is. Duolingo is a great app for your phone and a great program to have on your computer. It’s free and is kind of like a social media (ish) kind of language learning program. It’s like a mix between Rosetta Stone and Facebook. The website is www.duolingo.com. I've tried it, it seems pretty cool, I just haven't had the time to devote to really using it as a learning tool. You guys will have to let me know if it works for you.

Take classes to meet people and get out of the house. I saw this sign in the city.

Something else that’s great to do is get involved with the Facebook and Yahoo groups. I usually stick with the Facebook ones as I’ve run into a lot more negativity on the Yahoo ones (not saying everyone there is negative, guys). By getting involved in the Panama Facebook groups, you can learn so much. People there are so helpful. There’s so much free info online right now that you don’t need to pay the big companies for packets and reports. Just ask the people already living in Panama. If you need to find out how to get your registration renewed on your car, ask in the Facebook groups. If you need a recipe or need to find out if anyone is selling a piece of furniture you're looking for...ask on Facebook.

Something else you should definitely do is read the local blogs. So many people have moved here and started telling people about their adventures. What better way to find out how to accomplish things than to read the tales of those who’ve done it? I’ve seen blogs from people living in David, Pedasi, Boquete, neighborhoods in Panama City, and in many other places. Just go to the Panama For Real, Other Panama Blogs page to see some of the blogs from Panama bloggers. Click here to go to that page. 

Sometimes you feel like this (this is a real medicine I saw at the pharmacy here)

Lastly, you just have to force yourself to try. I know, it’s tough, and sometimes I just don’t feel like struggling through a task, but I’ve had my car stereo changed out, I’ve had tires plugged, I’ve gotten my driver’s license, I’ve traveled around by bus, and rode the Metro. So sometimes you just have to do your best to take care of things. And if all else fails, ask around until you find a bilingual person because usually, those Panamanians who can speak English, will be happy to help you.

I’m not sure I fit in here – If you had a large group of friends back home, went out to a bar after work with coworkers, or got together often with neighbors to have barbecues, you might feel a little bit lonely in Panama. Panamanians are super friendly for the most part, but you might not know that if you’re locked up in the house all the time. You might be feeling like Panamanians want nothing to do with you and you can’t seem to find any of these expats in Panama you heard so much about. Trust me, I know. I’ve walked through areas that I heard were crawling with expats, and didn’t see a single one. When I did my report on Volcan, I saw not one single foreigner (at least not one obvious foreigner). I take that back, I did see two backpackers walking through town, but I mean I didn’t see anyone who lived there. And I’ve always heard that Volcan has a sizeable expat community.

And finding a fellow foreigner doesn’t always mean they’ll be nice to you, lol. It’s sad, but true. Many people move to Panama to escape their fellow countrymen and you might bump into some of these unpleasant people. There are some people hiding out in Panama’s little towns, who aren’t very nice. Don’t get me wrong, there are friendly foreigners all over the place. Just hop on the Internet and check out any of the Facebook or Yahoo groups. The people sharing info are the nice ones. The ones that simply tell you to pick another country, with no explanation…those are the ones you don’t want to bother with. 

How do you deal with this?

I’ve already mentioned taking classes, but it applies here as well. If you enroll in a Spanish class, you’ll not only learn the language, but you’ll meet people as well, people who, like you, are doing what it takes to get by here. You’ll also feel more comfortable speaking with Panamanians. Panamanians are great people, but many of them don’t speak English. Plus, many who do are usually embarrassed to try to speak English, so if you want to make friends with Panamanians, speaking Spanish will help a lot. Panamanians appreciate it when we try.

Join other classes too. This will help immensely when it comes to fighting off boredom, which I’ll talk more about in the next topic. If you want to meet people, you have to get out of the house. Join a yoga class, a martial arts class, or any other kind of class you find available. Go to a gym. Casco Viejo/Casco Antiguo often has stuff going on, like salsa classes or martial arts classes.

I’ve mentioned the Facebook groups already, but check there too. You’ll find groups like YEP, Young Expats in Panama, which is always holding get-togethers in local bars and restaurants. https://www.facebook.com/YoungExpatsinPanama.PARTIES?fref=ts

This is tomorrow, so short notice, but Roba Morena puts on these things all the time

You might even find clubs to join. I recently saw a book club meeting where club members were getting together to read Game of Thrones. I love Game of Thrones, but I’ve already read the book and not sure I can sit through it again (it’s a long freakin’ book, man). Things like the Roba Moreno recycling fairs are great chances to get out and meet people too. http://www.robamorena.com/feriayoreciclo/

I just need someone to talk to – You may find yourself just needing someone to talk to. It’s not quite the same as needing friends to hang out with at the bar or people to get together with to watch the Super Bowl. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. You just need to talk to people and vent your frustrations.

How do you handle this?

One good way to handle this, and it’s kind of like old school diary writing or keeping a journal, is to start your own blog. Why not? Everyone else is doing it. It doesn’t matter how many readers you have or how many visitors you get on your blog. It matters that you have your own story to tell. If you want to talk about your trouble finding toilet paper that doesn’t cut your rump, just do it. I have to tell you, when you have something to say, speaking to someone, even when it’s writing it out on a blog, can feel great. And it's free unless you go the difficult route. Wordpress.com and Blogger.com and many others offer free blogs. You’ll just have to play around with it until you figure it out. Who knows, maybe you’ll help someone else with a problem by writing something you’ve gone through.

Dr. Juha Lehti, the Net Psychiatrist at www.onlinepsychiatrist.net

Another great resource for helping you combat depression and to help you just get things off your chest, is my good friend, Dr. Juha Lehti. Dr. Juha Lehti, is a psychiatrist from Finland, living here in Panama, and since he knows all about being an expat, he's literally been there. Now he’s running a web psychiatry site. He can help you with depression and a lot of other issues, all without ever having to leave your home. He’ll meet with you over the Internet through live one-on-one chat sessions, kind of like Skype. It’s something new that he’s doing and I think it’s an awesome idea. He speaks English, Spanish, and of course, Finnish. He’s offering free consultations to our readers, so if you need to speak with a specialist, check out Dr. Juha Lehti's website at: www.onlinepsychiatrist.net.

I don't know if I can handle the boredom – You can definitely find things to do if you live in the city, but if you’re like me, and have lived in places like Chicago or New York City, you might find life in Panama to be a bit boring, especially if you live out in the interior. I used to take my kids to the Naperville Children’s Museum in the Chicago area or to the Seaquarium or to Navy Pier. We’d go for a walk down Michigan Ave. When I first moved to Panama, I felt really bored. I couldn’t really just walk somewhere. It’s not like that here. Not unless you live in downtown Panama City, and even then, Panama City still isn’t really a walking town (cracked sidewalks and crazy traffic might make you think twice about hoofing it).

This kid's not letting boredom get to him

If you live in the interior you might hit the beach, go walking on a mountain trail, or swim in a river. You might fish or get together with others at an expat or local hangout, but you can only do those things so often before you might find yourself bored again.

Go to the mall and do some climbing like Nico and Matteo

Or maybe it’s not finding something fun to do that’s got you bored in the first place. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re no longer working. Think about it, you’ve probably worked most of your life. You had to get up to that dreaded alarm, shuffle through your daily get-up-and-go routine, then spend 8-10 (maybe more) hours of your day trying to earn a paycheck. You don’t have to do that anymore. We spend most of our lives dreaming about the moment we no longer have to worry about working, then, when the time comes to retire, the lack of daily responsibility can be almost alarming.

What do you do when you no longer have anything to do?

How do you deal with this?

Let’s start with that last problem first. As difficult as it might seem (and it is difficult) you have to remember why you moved to Panama in the first place. It’s time to relax. If you’re not still working here, you can finally just chill out, and not worry about having daily duties. Allow yourself time with a book in your hammock or time to just walk the dog around the block. Allow yourself the freedom you waited all this time for.

Allow yourself time to relax

Do some tourist activities. You’re in a foreign country. Panama has a lot to offer if you just get with the program. Look online on websites and in the Facebook groups. You can go river rafting, visit some of the indigenous tribes, take a tour through Panama City, or go on a walking tour through Casco Viejo. My friend Sharon is taking people on tours through the old town. Check out her website at www.cascoantiguotours.com. Go ziplining or spend the night in an all-inclusive resort. Go dancing. You’re in Panama, so get out and act like it. If you don’t know how to dance, just do the gringo rock, the gringa sway.

Go see a movie. At the time of writing this article, the Cinemark theaters have an awesome deal. Every Thursday, if you show your PriceSmart shopping membership card, you get two tickets for the price of one. Wednesdays are the regular discount day when tickets are just over $2.

If you live in or around Panama City, start going to some of the conventions and fairs that take place at the ATLAPA Convention Center. I plan to start doing this myself. They’re usually free and you can gather a ton of info from these things (and usually take home free samples and all kinds of other prizes). The following link will take you to a web page that’s great for keeping up with events going on in the area: http://www.cuandopasa.com/index.php?v=m17000000b&p=2

If you’re still bored, take a trip by bus. Just ditch your car and hop on a bus. It’s incredibly cheap and will give you the chance to discover the small towns in Panama. Go horseback riding in El Valle de Anton, take a small boat over to Isla Iguana from the beach in Pedasi, go fishing in Volcan, hang out with other expats at a restaurant in Boquete. You don’t have to live in these places to enjoy them. You’re in Panama. The entire country can be your backyard (it's only about as big as Rhode Island). You’ll have a lot of fun, I’m sure of it.

Don't be afraid to take the bus (but try to get on the nice air-conditioned

ones you see at the top right of the photo

If traveling isn’t your thing, and you still feel the need to work, why don’t you volunteer with one of the churches, schools, or charitable organizations? Panama definitely has no shortage of places to volunteer. If you have musical talents, help teach music at one of the schools. If you’re a basketball coach, help teach basketball at a camp. I was asked to help coach flag football. If you're a pro, share your knowledge.

Living  in Panama, you can either choose to enjoy the boredom and immerse yourself in total relaxation, or don’t do that at all. There’s plenty to do if you look for it.

Sensory Overload – Panama can be a lot to take in for some people. Everyone thinks they’re ready to move to a warm, tropical paradise. Leaving the snow behind (the constant shoveling and scraping of ice off the windshield) sounds like paradise. But Panama is hot. It’s really hot and humid. I sweat a lot naturally, and I drink a ton of water which probably only makes me sweat more, lol. I’ve been here 5 years and I’m still trying to adapt to this. Let me say this again, Panama is hot and humid. You are going to sweat when you come here. Don’t be shocked by this. You’ll eventually adapt to it. I remember feeling miserable at one point. Now, I just feel sweaty. And I try to stay near a fan or an AC vent if possible.

Bugs are something else you may not be used to. Again, this is the tropics. I’m not trying to be sarcastic. People seem to forget this. They come here and they say, “Hey, I wanted the sun and the beach, but what’s with all the heat and humidity and mosquitos?”

If the heat really bothers you, you might want to move to a higher elevation town. Boquete has nice crisp evenings. So do the other mountain towns like El Valle de Anton and Volcan and Cerro Punta. The gated communities of Cerro Azul and Altos del Maria are also known for having cooler temperatures. Mosquitos are pretty much everywhere, as with most other bugs, so you’ll need to keep a can of Off around or some other kind of repellant.

The traffic is something else that will drive you mad, and if you live in Panama City, you won’t be able to escape it.

How do you handle this?

Unfortunately, the only real way to handle this is to give yourself time. You’ll need time to adapt to Panama’s heat, humidity, pesky little creatures, and the traffic. You can ease the traffic situation by getting the heck out of the city. Or buy a motorcycle. But for the most part, you’ll just need to give yourself time to adapt.

Focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad, like your ability to 

buy fresh coconut water (known as pipa here) from this guy for $1

For an immediate fix, try to find places that remind you of home, like maybe a nice, air-conditioned cafe. Sometimes this can lead to some unnecessary spending though, as my home-away-from-home was Riba Smith when I first moved here. The Riba Smith supermarket in Costa del Este has wide aisles and tons of imported goods. Every time I enter that store, I lean on my grocery cart, and just relax. Multiplaza Mall is another spot that might make you feel a little closer to home as you'll recognize so many of the stores there. They even opened a Chuck-E-Cheese and a Ruby Tuesday recently. 

I think I’ve made a mistake – As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, you might find yourself thinking that you may have made a mistake. It’s normal. I’ve been through it and I’m sure many other readers have been through it. This is a foreign land and for everything that’s easier, there’s something else more difficult. The trick is to give yourself time. Don’t give up. Don’t you dare! Not yet! 

If you give up too early, you might not have the chance to be

this excited about slices of fresh mango

Try some of the things I mentioned in this article. If you haven’t tried them all, then you can’t give up yet. You owe yourself more time. You spent a lot of time considering this move, I’m sure. I don’t want to get all religious on you, but if nothing in this article helps, try to find a good church. That might even be your first step. Praying might help lift your spirits, and being around others might help you fight boredom, make a friend, learn a little Spanish, and could definitely help you feel like you fit in. Chances are, you didn’t make a mistake by coming here. You’re here. So rather than undo all the hard work that brought you here, find a way to make this make sense…or you’ll be kicking yourself later when you’re back home scraping ice off your windshield and picking up another DVD out of the Redbox at your local supermarket. Yup, I’ve been there J

Thanks for reading,

Chris

15 Quirky Things About Panama And Its People

Hey friends,

This is not meant to slam Panamanians, at all. I could list way more than 15 things that are odd about the U.S. and its people. Remember, my wife is Panamanian, so I have her to answer to if I get out of line. That said, I’ve noticed a lot of strange things since meeting Marlene and definitely since settling down in Panama full time. I can’t promise these are things you haven’t encountered wherever you’re living, because I probably know nothing about your hometown. I realized this after my last list, 10 Things You’ll Hate About Panama (which you can read by clicking here), when I received several comments from people about the motorcycles riding down the center lane subject. Apparently that happens all over the place, and is even legal in California. Who knew? I didn’t. 

So, check out this list of things I find a little bit wacky, but you might think is entirely normal. Again, these are in no particular order. I’m not counting down to the quirkiest thing. These are 15 wacky things listed at random.

1. Jury Duty Kidnapping – I’ve never been summoned to jury duty, but I know in the U.S. you’re given a letter or some sort of advance notice before you’re required to show up for duty. In Panama, it’s nothing like that. How did I learn this? A couple of weeks ago, I got a somewhat frantic call from Marlene. She was at work. The call went something like this.

“Chris, I only have a minute. They’re taking me.”

“WTF? Who’s taking you? What do you mean?”

“I have jury duty. They said I have 10 minutes to gather my things, make my phone calls, and then they’re taking my phone and I won't get it back until they're finished with me.”

And that was pretty much the extent of the phone call. She hung up and I had no idea what was to happen next. Was she going to be picked for a short trial that would be finished early and she'd be home by the end of the day? Or was she about to embark on an O.J. Simpson-style, seemingly never-ending murder trial?

My mother-in-law, who'd also spoken with Marlene, called to break it down a little further. She explained how lucky Marlene was because she’s had friends and coworkers who were out walking down the street when they were grabbed for jury duty. They were just snatched right off the sidewalk (ok, maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but still...). She also told me that if Marlene was stuck in a lengthy trial, we’d have to pack clothes so they could be taken to her.

It turned out the trial Marlene was involved with only lasted the day. She was home by about 11pm the same night. She told me she tried to get out of it by explaining that she had 4 kids she needed to take care of. The guy charged with finding my wife and bringing her in, the guy who basically kidnapped her for jury duty, simply looked at her and said, “Everyone has kids, and a spouse, and a grandmother...pack your stuff.”

Marlene was snatched up for jury duty, no notice, right at her office

That’s nuts, right? I'd love to see Dave Chapelle do a skit on this. The only thing worse would be having the guy show up, put a bag over your head, and yank you into his car. I'm surprised he didn't use the Men In Black memory swiper gadget on her when it was over. 

Imagine being a single parent and having this happen. What would you do? Can you imagine having your kids in school and having someone show up to tell you they were taking you away? What bout the kids? Marlene said you can get out of it, but you’ll have to pay a $50 fine and have a really good excuse. 

The good news? You always get the next day off when you're ordered to go in for jury duty. Also, I should add that this whole jury duty situation only applies to Panamanian citizens. So expats have nothing to worry about. 

2. Wrinkling the nose – The story of how I met my wife is one worthy of its own blog post, so here in this post, I’ll just mention one quirky little thing that a lot of Panamanians do. It’s something that caused a little bit of confusion when I first started dating Marlene.

I call it the wrinkling of the nose. The first time I saw this, I was driving. Marlene was in the passenger seat. I asked her a question. Probably something like, “What do you want to eat?” She didn’t answer. Ok, a little strange, but maybe she didn’t hear me. So I repeated it, “So what would you like to eat?” No answer again. I started thinking to myself, “What’s wrong with this chick?” I asked the question again, looked over, and noticed she was wrinkling her nose up, kind of the way a bunny rabbit does when it’s sniffing.

Apparently that means “What” in Panamanian non-verbal Spanish. When someone asks a question, you can ask, “What?” by simply looking at them and wrinkling up your nose.

This constipated look is my version of a bunny sniffing the air.

Not exactly what I was going for!

I tried to get a picture of the nose wrinkling, but it doesn't come out right in photos. I think I just look constipated, which is a totally different kind of non-verbal Spanish cue. 

3. No one gets out of his or her seat on a bus – If you move to Panama and travel by public transportation, you’ll notice that people do not get out of their seats unless they’re getting off the bus. They won’t get up for anything. For a long time, when I first moved here, I rode the bus to work. I’d hop on the old Diablo Rojo for $.25 each way.

Talking about this kind of bus, a Diablo Rojo

I rarely stayed in a seat though, either because there were none available, or when I did have a seat I’d get up to give it to a woman, someone elderly, or a small child. That’s just me. I can’t sit comfortably knowing someone else is roughing it. I’d see an older woman get on the bus, with her hands full of grocery bags, and not a single man would give up his seat.

See what I mean?

Another great example is, if you happen to be seated next to the window, and you need to get off the bus, the person next to you, in the aisle seat, will never get up and move out of the way. Instead, the person will lean his or her knees to the left, as if that’s enough room to walk through. I always laugh because I’m a big boy and I know they’re going to be more uncomfortable than I will be when I have to force my way through their legs. “Alright, man, you want my butt in your face? You asked for it!”

4. No shame – Alright, I have plenty of friends in the U.S., with very little shame. And I've been to other countries where the people don't seem to care at all what people think. But the men here have no shame. None at all. Guys in the U.S. might whistle or hiss at a girl, but most of the time that would come from construction workers. Men were craftier about their ogling eyes. They didn’t make it so obvious they were checking a girl out.

Here, it’s quite the opposite. I’m kind of a people watcher by nature. Maybe it’s my law enforcement/security background, but I tend to watch the things going on around me. So, one day while getting off the bus, a pretty girl was walking in front of me. I couldn’t believe how many men turned their heads and gawked at this girl as she passed. A security company was holding their morning roll call in a parking lot, and every single one of these guys, probably 20 of them, stopped and turned their heads to see her walk by.

This street performer stopped juggling to check out a passing woman

Women can be the same way. Of course I’m not talking about ALL Panamanian men or women, but I’ve encountered some gutsy women here too. At a Taco Bell drive-thru I had a girl say something about my blue eyes. Then she called over all of her coworkers to look at my eyes. I was embarrassed and just wanted to take my bean burrito and get out of there, lol. In one of the small towns here, right in front of my wife, a woman said, “If he were my husband, I would…”

No shame. 

5. Ketchup on Everything – I’ve seen some people do some crazy things with condiments. Hell, I used to love dipping my fries into my Wendy’s frosty. But a large number of Panamanians love ketchup. They’ll put ketchup on anything. I don’t know why I’m so surprised, since I grew up putting ketchup on my fried eggs and potatoes and on beans (it’s a country thing I guess).

However, here in Panama, people put ketchup on roasted chicken. They even put ketchup on their arroz con pollo. Rice and chicken? With ketchup on it? I might have to try that now that I think about it!

6. You want me to do what with my toilet paper? – I guess because of plumbing issues, and sometimes just out of fear of past plumbing issues, some Panamanians will not flush toilet paper down the toilet.

In the U.S., it was common to see signs in restaurant bathrooms warning people not to throw paper towels into the toilet. Paper towels can clog it up, but toilet paper is meant for the toilet.

The first time I ran into this issue was in a store bathroom. A sign was posted there warning people not to flush anything, even toilet paper, down the toilet. So I was kind of stumped. Like, “What would you like me to do with it then?” Then, I glanced over at the little wastebasket next to the toilet and saw that there was toilet paper in there, with doo doo smeared on it. That’s so gross, I know, but I need to paint a clear picture for you, lol.

The sign looks kinda like this

I was thinking, “You want me to do what with the toilet paper?” Since then, I’ve seen this at several business restrooms and even in a couple of people's homes. What’s perplexing is that the bathrooms never smelled bad. How is that possible? It must be terrific air freshener. Either that or my sinuses were acting up and I just couldn’t smell a thing.

7. No trust for lunchmeat – I love sandwiches. I love sandwiches of all types. Sometimes I like a hot sandwich and sometimes I’m in the mood for cold cuts. And by cold cuts I mean cold…cuts.

I’m not sure if this is something that only my wife’s family does, or if this is Panama-wide, but it’s very rare, and I mean very very rare, that my wife or anyone in her family will eat ham, turkey, or any other kind of lunch meat straight from the deli or right out of the package. They fry it all. And I don’t mean they fry it with oil. They just toss it around a little bit in a hot pan to kill any bacteria.

Marlene won't touch this stuff until it's been heated in a pan first

It drives me nuts because Brown Sugar Ham and Honeyed Turkey has a flavor that I like, and I like it right out of the package like that. When you cook it, it changes flavor. It’s not bad, it’s just different and sometimes I want that cold cuts taste. It took forever for me to get my wife to try Subway. She just didn’t trust the cold meats. Yet there are Subways all over Panama, so maybe it is just my wife’s family. Please, Panamanian friends, comment below to let me know how you feel about this.

8. The creation of traffic lanes -  This is something I love and loathe about driving in Panama. During times of high-traffic, Panamanians will create new lanes, usually on the shoulder of the road. I love this because it’s not something we’d do back home, and it does help free up the traffic congestion a little bit. I loathe it because I’m too chicken to follow suit. I’ve done it a few times, but usually I’ll stick with the designated lanes, because cheating never seems to work out for me.

This lane on the shoulder is only used during rush hour

(sorry for the crappy picture, I was in a moving vehicle)

One time, when I was late picking my kids up for school and was stuck in really bad traffic, I gave it a try. And when all the Panamanians were smart enough to merge back into the regular lane, I wasn’t, and I got trapped in that created lane, all the way until I was face to face with a traffic cop who harassed the hell out of me for about 15-minutes before finally letting me go (only after I pointed out everyone else who was doing the same thing).

9. Green olives – If you love green olives, you’ll be very happy here in Panama. I detest the things. I don’t mind black olives, but I can’t get used to the strange taste of green olives. I like olive oil though. What’s that all about?

Anyway, you’ll find that green olives show up in all kinds of dishes here. Most people put them in arroz con pollo. I have to pick them out whenever I’m at a birthday party and I’m served arroz con pollo with olives. You’ll even find them on pizza here. In the U.S., a veggie pizza seemed to consist of green peppers, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, and maybe black olives. I never saw green olives on a pizza, except maybe at a gourmet pizza place.

Eww, green olives in arroz con pollo

Here, if you order a veggie pizza, there’s a pretty good chance it will come with green olives. I had to ask for them to be excluded from my Papa John’s pizza the other night. So, ask if your pizza has aceituna verde if you’re like me and don’t like green olives.

10. Prepare to get frisked – If you’re used to waltzing right into your local bank and making a deposit, get ready for things to change a bit. Outside of the banks, you’ll find a security guard waiting for you with a wand. Men will have the wand waved over their bodies, to make sure they aren’t trying to carry a weapon into the bank. Women aren’t usually wanded down like that, but they are required to open up their purse and let the security guard glance inside. He won’t put his hand in there or take anything out, but he will peek in. This goes for anyone with bags. Be prepared for the security guard to check out your shopping bags, backpack, etc.

These guys are just waiting to wand you down

This also happens at the casinos. During the day you might be able to just walk right in, but during high-traffic hours, and at night, men will be wanded and women will have their purses checked.

11. No shorts in government buildings – For being such a laid back, tropical lifestyle, Panama takes its dress code very seriously. You might get away with shorts and flip flops at the resorts and in the hotels, but don’t try to wear them into government buildings.

I remember the first time I went to the Immigration building here. I just needed to pay for something at the cashier desk. I had on shorts, a T-shirt, and tennis shoes. The security guard wouldn’t let me in the door. Even when I pointed at a woman wearing capris walking in right in front of me. My options were to go all the way home and change clothes, which would have required sitting through traffic again and searching for a parking spot, or go shopping. I walked to a department store, a block away, and bought the cheapest jeans I could find, for like $10, just to go into Immigration. The instant wedgie, and the strange discomfort of the material rubbing against my thighs, was worth getting in and out of the Immigration building quickly.

I can’t even wear shorts into my kids’ school. I’ve gotten used to wearing jeans everywhere I go, but one day I just happened to have on a pair of shorts, and the security guard wouldn’t let me enter to pick up my kids. Instead, they sent my kids out with someone.

12. Buses don’t always come to a complete stop – Let me quickly point out that, again, I'm talking about the old Diablo Rojo buses, some of which are still on the road. Back when I was riding the bus to work every day, I got used to the bus not coming to a complete stop for passengers to exit. Oftentimes, if only one or two people were getting off, the driver would step on the brakes just enough to bring the bus to a slow roll. Then the each person hops off at a slight jog so he doesn’t break his neck.

I think that guy just hopped off the bus

I watched one time as an older woman flipped out on the bus driver, yelling at him to stop the bus completely so she could exit safely. I thought the woman was going to hit him with her purse she was so mad.

Also, it’s common for buses to stop in the middle of traffic, not even at a designated bus stop, to let people on and off the bus. So if you ever get off the bus in one of these areas, make sure you watch for passing traffic. Just because the driver opens the door and lets you out, doesn’t mean he’s concerned for your safety.

13. Liquor Testers – This should be on a “greatest things about Panama” list. Almost every weekend, at my local Rey supermarket, a girl is set up in the liquor aisle serving some brand of rum. Free testers in the supermarket! That’s a hell of a way to shop, cruising up and down the aisles while sipping a rum and coke.

At PriceSmart, you might see several of these stands set up. Each one is almost like having a free shot. I’ve had a test cup of Bailey’s Irish Cream, walked a few steps and had a Vodka with cranberry, then a little Amaretto, then I threw up…kidding about the last part. It’s awesome though. Too bad I’m not really a hard liquor drinker. They should give out cups of beer. Come on Atlas, Balboa, Panama, Soberana…bring beer testing into the supermarkets.

14. The Ficha is everything – At my first job in Panama, at one of the call centers, there was a guy going through training with me, who was nuts about the ficha. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He kept asking the trainer, “When are we going to get our fichas?” Every day. "So when are we gonna get our fichas?" He was ficha crazy.

Finally, I asked, “What the hell is a ficha?” His reply? “It’s like gold, man. I need it so I can get a loan.”

Apparently, the ficha, which is just a piece of paper that proves you’ve been working, that you’re paying social security, and shows how much money you’re making, is given out monthly to anyone employed in Panama. That paper is quite useful when going to the free medical clinics, applying for a loan, or trying to rent an apartment. This guy from my training class wanted to buy a TV from one of the stores in town, or something like that, and needed his ficha to prove he was actually employed, so the store would extend him a line of credit.

It’s also something important to hold onto, to prove how much you’ve paid into social security, in case the records are wrong when you decided to retire.

So, if you ever work in Panama, don’t throw away your ficha!

15. Los Bien Cuidados - These are the guys who jump out in front of your car when you're about to park at a store or restaurant or anywhere else really. They hop in front of you (or behind you if you're leaving) and start waving their hands around, directing you into your spot (you might already be in the spot) as if they're a certified air traffic controller.

They take this job very seriously too. They really think it's their job. And they're very territorial. Once they claim a store or a spot, you won't see anyone else try to take it. And the funny thing is, they're always on time and stick around for a full shift, as if they're punching the clock. You'd think they were actually hired by the Super 99 supermarket you're pulling up to. And it's a good idea to give them some change, if you don't want to get cursed out, or have trouble the next time you come to the area. 

The other night, I went shopping for school lunch stuff with Marlene. We pulled into the parking lot, not a soul in sight. We got what we needed and left. On the way to our car, this guy starts talking to me, in English, about how he grew up in New York. He was friendly, but it was awkward because he followed us all the way to our car and I knew what he was doing. He was going to try to direct us out of our spot. I was in a bad mood that night too, so when I got to the car, I just backed up and left. He wasn't even there when I arrived, it was about 10pm and I'm fully capable of backing out of a half-empty parking lot, without assistance, so I wasn't going to pay this guy just for being around. Hopefully my car won't get keyed the next time I park there, lol. 

This happens a lot in the nightclub/casino areas too. I parked on a street that was a couple of blocks away from a casino one night and this guy ran up to me and told me I needed to pay him $2 to park there. It was on a public street. I said, "When I come back." He insisted that I pay him right then, which I wasn't going to do, since I was sure he'd be gone and someone else would be there when I got back, wanting his $2. I decided to just use the casino valet, where I knew I could pay $1 and not be bothered. 

So that was 15 things you might find a little bit wacky about Panama and its people. This wasn’t meant to be rude or degrading to anyone. It was just for fun, so please, no crazy rants and raves about how I should go back to my own country if I don’t appreciate this one. I love Panama and its people…and its somewhat quirky ways.

Thanks for reading,

Chris

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