Battling Depression in Panama

Hey everybody,

Awhile back, before he actually moved to Panama, an online buddy of mine (we need to get together for a beer soon, Todd) asked in an expat forum, how expats deal with depression. It wasn’t that he was depressed himself (he’s an ex-military guy and moves around a lot), but since he was planning a move to Panama, he wanted to know how foreigners in Panama deal with this oh-so-real situation. It was a great question, and it has stuck with me ever since. Depression happens. I’m here in Panama with my wife and 4 kids, and it has happened to me, so I’m sure for those people moving here alone, depression is a serious condition they battle from time to time. And if you’ve ever gone through depression, it can be debilitating if not dealt with properly and immediately.

Now, I’m no web doctor, and I don’t want to scare anyone who's considering a move to Panama. In fact, a move to Panama is probably much easier than a move to many other countries (considering you’ll be using the U.S. dollar, you'll be in the same time zone for the most part, and you can communicate and get back to the U.S. or Canada relatively easily). But it’s not Kansas anymore, Toto. You might experience a little bit of culture shock and even if you don’t, you might at some point ask yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?” If you hang in there long enough, and fight off that urge to pack up and go home, you’ll probably find that a life in Panama is quite rewarding. There’s a reason you considered moving to Panama in the first place. Remember that. You know the saying, The grass is always greener on the other side. Giving up will only make you happy when you first arrive home. Then, maybe a year later, you’re going to be wondering why you didn’t stick around a little longer.

Some of you reading this may be going through a little bit of depression right now. Hopefully by reading this article, you’ll realize that you’re not alone in this, and there are some things you can do to help you battle this feeling.

Feeling down? The first step to battling depression is 

to smear cupcake on your face...like this!

As I write this, I’m sitting in New York Bagels in El Cangrejo, munching on a honey wheat bagel with jalapeño and red pepper cream cheese. I see groups of people gathered together gossiping while eating a light snack. I can see five people with laptops open, using the restaurant’s free Wifi (free with a purchase of any kind). Usually I visit this place to meet one of my friends for breakfast, but today I have no meeting planned. So why am I here? I’m here because I need to get out of the house. I’m starting to feel cooped up. And to beat any of that anxiety or depression that might start rearing its ugly little head soon, I’m getting out in public and feeding off of the energy around me while writing this article. Getting out of the house and around people is one way of beating depression. Let's talk more about what you might experience here in Panama. 

At New York Bagels in El Cangrejo

When you first move to Panama, you’re going to be filled with an electricity, an excitement about ignoring all those people back home who tried to stop you from making this decision. You'll be proud of yourself for finally making the leap. It's a great feeling. You did it. You’re in Panama. It might take a little while for the normal worries to finally sink in, but at some point, some of the following might cross your mind.

My family is so far away – Many of the people trying this retire overseas lifestyle will have children and grandchildren. More than likely, the children are grown, but not hearing the laughter of your grandchildren can be tough. Unless you live in Panama City, you’ll probably find that Panama is a quiet place. If you’ve ever had children running around your living room and climbing over your lap and leaving the toilet seat up (remember I have 2 boys so I hear about this one all the time), that lack of wild energy might be overwhelming. Silence is extremely loud when it’s all you hear. Marlene reminded me of this often when we lived in our little apartment in Anchorage, Alaska. She missed the sound of car horns and birds and noisy neighbors. So for many people living in the interior of Panama, this may be a lot to bear.

How do you deal with this?

Well, if you need any immediate being-around-kids fix, take a walk. Go somewhere you know children will be and get some exercise. Just take a stroll past a school or go to a park. If you’re in Panama City, Parque Omar in San Francisco is an excellent place to go. Kids are everywhere playing on jungle gyms and running and tumbling. You’d be surprised. The lively sounds of kids at play might help a little bit, and getting out of the house and enjoying some fresh air will definitely make you feel a little better.

Parque Omar is a colorful and lively park full of children's laughter

Make sure you have Skype installed on your computer and have frequent Skype meetings with your family members. If you both have Skype installed, it’ll be free. We do live video chats with my mom every Sunday. She sees the kids and they see her as if they’re in the same room. It definitely helps us keep in touch. If we didn’t do this, my kids would have a hard time remembering Grandma. If you’re not sure how to do this, just go to the following link and download the program to your computer. Then tell your family to do the same. Just go to www.skype.com.

If you really want to feel in touch with your family, make sure you have Whatsapp installed on your phone. Your family members and friends will need to download it too. It’s free, or I think actually $1 per year. Make sure they put your phone number in as +507 and your number. My mom and brothers have Whatsapp and we chat on our phones as if we’re all living on the same block. Another cool app a friend recently told me about is Glide. With Glide, you can video chat on your phone the same way you’d chat on Whatsapp. You set it up pretty much the same way, and you can video chat right on your phone, sending messages back and forth with your loved ones.

Also, with devices like Magic Jack (I know there are many others out there, but I have a Magic Jack thanks to my good friend Michael Drouillard) you can call and receive calls as if you’re in the same country as your loved ones. I have a Miami phone number hooked up to it. I think it’s only like $30 a year to be able to do this. What phone company would let you make unlimited calls to another country for only $30 per year? The last time I was in the U.S., I saw Magic Jacks in stores like Walmart, Walgreens, and CVS, so I know they’re easy to get. You can check out their website too at www.magicjack.com. 

I just want to feel self-sufficient – One thing that I’m sure all expats deal with, is the feeling that you can’t get anything accomplished on your own. If you don’t come here knowing at least a little bit of Spanish, you may have even more trouble with this one. I speak very little Spanish and I battle with this a lot. 

I think, even for Spanish-speaking expats, learning to adapt to the Panamanian way of life will still be a challenge. For example, a Venezuelan couple at my kids’ school seemed to have a bit of a hard time when the folklore teacher sent out a note saying that all kids must bring cutarras and a sombrero for boys or the pollera and babuchas for girls (for more on these Panama items, read my article on Panama school tips and pointers here). 

My kids modeling the congo-style folklore clothes

Being new to Panama, they had no idea where to get these things. Everyone told them to go to Sal si Puedes, which is a shopping area on Ave. Central (near Casco Viejo), but since they didn’t know their way around, even though they spoke Spanish, this was like Greek to them. So, feeling that you can’t accomplish things on your own might make you feel a little bit down.

Sal si Puedes is the shopping area to the left and right of that stoplight

How do you deal with this?

First, it’s not a fix-all, but it will be tremendously helpful if you learn to speak Spanish. Enroll in a local class (which will also help you make friends here). If you can speak the language, at least you can ask questions when you don’t understand something or know where something is. Duolingo is a great app for your phone and a great program to have on your computer. It’s free and is kind of like a social media (ish) kind of language learning program. It’s like a mix between Rosetta Stone and Facebook. The website is www.duolingo.com. I've tried it, it seems pretty cool, I just haven't had the time to devote to really using it as a learning tool. You guys will have to let me know if it works for you.

Take classes to meet people and get out of the house. I saw this sign in the city.

Something else that’s great to do is get involved with the Facebook and Yahoo groups. I usually stick with the Facebook ones as I’ve run into a lot more negativity on the Yahoo ones (not saying everyone there is negative, guys). By getting involved in the Panama Facebook groups, you can learn so much. People there are so helpful. There’s so much free info online right now that you don’t need to pay the big companies for packets and reports. Just ask the people already living in Panama. If you need to find out how to get your registration renewed on your car, ask in the Facebook groups. If you need a recipe or need to find out if anyone is selling a piece of furniture you're looking for...ask on Facebook.

Something else you should definitely do is read the local blogs. So many people have moved here and started telling people about their adventures. What better way to find out how to accomplish things than to read the tales of those who’ve done it? I’ve seen blogs from people living in David, Pedasi, Boquete, neighborhoods in Panama City, and in many other places. Just go to the Panama For Real, Other Panama Blogs page to see some of the blogs from Panama bloggers. Click here to go to that page. 

Sometimes you feel like this (this is a real medicine I saw at the pharmacy here)

Lastly, you just have to force yourself to try. I know, it’s tough, and sometimes I just don’t feel like struggling through a task, but I’ve had my car stereo changed out, I’ve had tires plugged, I’ve gotten my driver’s license, I’ve traveled around by bus, and rode the Metro. So sometimes you just have to do your best to take care of things. And if all else fails, ask around until you find a bilingual person because usually, those Panamanians who can speak English, will be happy to help you.

I’m not sure I fit in here – If you had a large group of friends back home, went out to a bar after work with coworkers, or got together often with neighbors to have barbecues, you might feel a little bit lonely in Panama. Panamanians are super friendly for the most part, but you might not know that if you’re locked up in the house all the time. You might be feeling like Panamanians want nothing to do with you and you can’t seem to find any of these expats in Panama you heard so much about. Trust me, I know. I’ve walked through areas that I heard were crawling with expats, and didn’t see a single one. When I did my report on Volcan, I saw not one single foreigner (at least not one obvious foreigner). I take that back, I did see two backpackers walking through town, but I mean I didn’t see anyone who lived there. And I’ve always heard that Volcan has a sizeable expat community.

And finding a fellow foreigner doesn’t always mean they’ll be nice to you, lol. It’s sad, but true. Many people move to Panama to escape their fellow countrymen and you might bump into some of these unpleasant people. There are some people hiding out in Panama’s little towns, who aren’t very nice. Don’t get me wrong, there are friendly foreigners all over the place. Just hop on the Internet and check out any of the Facebook or Yahoo groups. The people sharing info are the nice ones. The ones that simply tell you to pick another country, with no explanation…those are the ones you don’t want to bother with. 

How do you deal with this?

I’ve already mentioned taking classes, but it applies here as well. If you enroll in a Spanish class, you’ll not only learn the language, but you’ll meet people as well, people who, like you, are doing what it takes to get by here. You’ll also feel more comfortable speaking with Panamanians. Panamanians are great people, but many of them don’t speak English. Plus, many who do are usually embarrassed to try to speak English, so if you want to make friends with Panamanians, speaking Spanish will help a lot. Panamanians appreciate it when we try.

Join other classes too. This will help immensely when it comes to fighting off boredom, which I’ll talk more about in the next topic. If you want to meet people, you have to get out of the house. Join a yoga class, a martial arts class, or any other kind of class you find available. Go to a gym. Casco Viejo/Casco Antiguo often has stuff going on, like salsa classes or martial arts classes.

I’ve mentioned the Facebook groups already, but check there too. You’ll find groups like YEP, Young Expats in Panama, which is always holding get-togethers in local bars and restaurants. https://www.facebook.com/YoungExpatsinPanama.PARTIES?fref=ts

This is tomorrow, so short notice, but Roba Morena puts on these things all the time

You might even find clubs to join. I recently saw a book club meeting where club members were getting together to read Game of Thrones. I love Game of Thrones, but I’ve already read the book and not sure I can sit through it again (it’s a long freakin’ book, man). Things like the Roba Moreno recycling fairs are great chances to get out and meet people too. http://www.robamorena.com/feriayoreciclo/

I just need someone to talk to – You may find yourself just needing someone to talk to. It’s not quite the same as needing friends to hang out with at the bar or people to get together with to watch the Super Bowl. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. You just need to talk to people and vent your frustrations.

How do you handle this?

One good way to handle this, and it’s kind of like old school diary writing or keeping a journal, is to start your own blog. Why not? Everyone else is doing it. It doesn’t matter how many readers you have or how many visitors you get on your blog. It matters that you have your own story to tell. If you want to talk about your trouble finding toilet paper that doesn’t cut your rump, just do it. I have to tell you, when you have something to say, speaking to someone, even when it’s writing it out on a blog, can feel great. And it's free unless you go the difficult route. Wordpress.com and Blogger.com and many others offer free blogs. You’ll just have to play around with it until you figure it out. Who knows, maybe you’ll help someone else with a problem by writing something you’ve gone through.

Dr. Juha Lehti, the Net Psychiatrist at www.onlinepsychiatrist.net

Another great resource for helping you combat depression and to help you just get things off your chest, is my good friend, Dr. Juha Lehti. Dr. Juha Lehti, is a psychiatrist from Finland, living here in Panama, and since he knows all about being an expat, he's literally been there. Now he’s running a web psychiatry site. He can help you with depression and a lot of other issues, all without ever having to leave your home. He’ll meet with you over the Internet through live one-on-one chat sessions, kind of like Skype. It’s something new that he’s doing and I think it’s an awesome idea. He speaks English, Spanish, and of course, Finnish. He’s offering free consultations to our readers, so if you need to speak with a specialist, check out Dr. Juha Lehti's website at: www.onlinepsychiatrist.net.

I don't know if I can handle the boredom – You can definitely find things to do if you live in the city, but if you’re like me, and have lived in places like Chicago or New York City, you might find life in Panama to be a bit boring, especially if you live out in the interior. I used to take my kids to the Naperville Children’s Museum in the Chicago area or to the Seaquarium or to Navy Pier. We’d go for a walk down Michigan Ave. When I first moved to Panama, I felt really bored. I couldn’t really just walk somewhere. It’s not like that here. Not unless you live in downtown Panama City, and even then, Panama City still isn’t really a walking town (cracked sidewalks and crazy traffic might make you think twice about hoofing it).

This kid's not letting boredom get to him

If you live in the interior you might hit the beach, go walking on a mountain trail, or swim in a river. You might fish or get together with others at an expat or local hangout, but you can only do those things so often before you might find yourself bored again.

Go to the mall and do some climbing like Nico and Matteo

Or maybe it’s not finding something fun to do that’s got you bored in the first place. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re no longer working. Think about it, you’ve probably worked most of your life. You had to get up to that dreaded alarm, shuffle through your daily get-up-and-go routine, then spend 8-10 (maybe more) hours of your day trying to earn a paycheck. You don’t have to do that anymore. We spend most of our lives dreaming about the moment we no longer have to worry about working, then, when the time comes to retire, the lack of daily responsibility can be almost alarming.

What do you do when you no longer have anything to do?

How do you deal with this?

Let’s start with that last problem first. As difficult as it might seem (and it is difficult) you have to remember why you moved to Panama in the first place. It’s time to relax. If you’re not still working here, you can finally just chill out, and not worry about having daily duties. Allow yourself time with a book in your hammock or time to just walk the dog around the block. Allow yourself the freedom you waited all this time for.

Allow yourself time to relax

Do some tourist activities. You’re in a foreign country. Panama has a lot to offer if you just get with the program. Look online on websites and in the Facebook groups. You can go river rafting, visit some of the indigenous tribes, take a tour through Panama City, or go on a walking tour through Casco Viejo. My friend Sharon is taking people on tours through the old town. Check out her website at www.cascoantiguotours.com. Go ziplining or spend the night in an all-inclusive resort. Go dancing. You’re in Panama, so get out and act like it. If you don’t know how to dance, just do the gringo rock, the gringa sway.

Go see a movie. At the time of writing this article, the Cinemark theaters have an awesome deal. Every Thursday, if you show your PriceSmart shopping membership card, you get two tickets for the price of one. Wednesdays are the regular discount day when tickets are just over $2.

If you live in or around Panama City, start going to some of the conventions and fairs that take place at the ATLAPA Convention Center. I plan to start doing this myself. They’re usually free and you can gather a ton of info from these things (and usually take home free samples and all kinds of other prizes). The following link will take you to a web page that’s great for keeping up with events going on in the area: http://www.cuandopasa.com/index.php?v=m17000000b&p=2

If you’re still bored, take a trip by bus. Just ditch your car and hop on a bus. It’s incredibly cheap and will give you the chance to discover the small towns in Panama. Go horseback riding in El Valle de Anton, take a small boat over to Isla Iguana from the beach in Pedasi, go fishing in Volcan, hang out with other expats at a restaurant in Boquete. You don’t have to live in these places to enjoy them. You’re in Panama. The entire country can be your backyard (it's only about as big as Rhode Island). You’ll have a lot of fun, I’m sure of it.

Don't be afraid to take the bus (but try to get on the nice air-conditioned

ones you see at the top right of the photo

If traveling isn’t your thing, and you still feel the need to work, why don’t you volunteer with one of the churches, schools, or charitable organizations? Panama definitely has no shortage of places to volunteer. If you have musical talents, help teach music at one of the schools. If you’re a basketball coach, help teach basketball at a camp. I was asked to help coach flag football. If you're a pro, share your knowledge.

Living  in Panama, you can either choose to enjoy the boredom and immerse yourself in total relaxation, or don’t do that at all. There’s plenty to do if you look for it.

Sensory Overload – Panama can be a lot to take in for some people. Everyone thinks they’re ready to move to a warm, tropical paradise. Leaving the snow behind (the constant shoveling and scraping of ice off the windshield) sounds like paradise. But Panama is hot. It’s really hot and humid. I sweat a lot naturally, and I drink a ton of water which probably only makes me sweat more, lol. I’ve been here 5 years and I’m still trying to adapt to this. Let me say this again, Panama is hot and humid. You are going to sweat when you come here. Don’t be shocked by this. You’ll eventually adapt to it. I remember feeling miserable at one point. Now, I just feel sweaty. And I try to stay near a fan or an AC vent if possible.

Bugs are something else you may not be used to. Again, this is the tropics. I’m not trying to be sarcastic. People seem to forget this. They come here and they say, “Hey, I wanted the sun and the beach, but what’s with all the heat and humidity and mosquitos?”

If the heat really bothers you, you might want to move to a higher elevation town. Boquete has nice crisp evenings. So do the other mountain towns like El Valle de Anton and Volcan and Cerro Punta. The gated communities of Cerro Azul and Altos del Maria are also known for having cooler temperatures. Mosquitos are pretty much everywhere, as with most other bugs, so you’ll need to keep a can of Off around or some other kind of repellant.

The traffic is something else that will drive you mad, and if you live in Panama City, you won’t be able to escape it.

How do you handle this?

Unfortunately, the only real way to handle this is to give yourself time. You’ll need time to adapt to Panama’s heat, humidity, pesky little creatures, and the traffic. You can ease the traffic situation by getting the heck out of the city. Or buy a motorcycle. But for the most part, you’ll just need to give yourself time to adapt.

Focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad, like your ability to 

buy fresh coconut water (known as pipa here) from this guy for $1

For an immediate fix, try to find places that remind you of home, like maybe a nice, air-conditioned cafe. Sometimes this can lead to some unnecessary spending though, as my home-away-from-home was Riba Smith when I first moved here. The Riba Smith supermarket in Costa del Este has wide aisles and tons of imported goods. Every time I enter that store, I lean on my grocery cart, and just relax. Multiplaza Mall is another spot that might make you feel a little closer to home as you'll recognize so many of the stores there. They even opened a Chuck-E-Cheese and a Ruby Tuesday recently. 

I think I’ve made a mistake – As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, you might find yourself thinking that you may have made a mistake. It’s normal. I’ve been through it and I’m sure many other readers have been through it. This is a foreign land and for everything that’s easier, there’s something else more difficult. The trick is to give yourself time. Don’t give up. Don’t you dare! Not yet! 

If you give up too early, you might not have the chance to be

this excited about slices of fresh mango

Try some of the things I mentioned in this article. If you haven’t tried them all, then you can’t give up yet. You owe yourself more time. You spent a lot of time considering this move, I’m sure. I don’t want to get all religious on you, but if nothing in this article helps, try to find a good church. That might even be your first step. Praying might help lift your spirits, and being around others might help you fight boredom, make a friend, learn a little Spanish, and could definitely help you feel like you fit in. Chances are, you didn’t make a mistake by coming here. You’re here. So rather than undo all the hard work that brought you here, find a way to make this make sense…or you’ll be kicking yourself later when you’re back home scraping ice off your windshield and picking up another DVD out of the Redbox at your local supermarket. Yup, I’ve been there J

Thanks for reading,

Chris

10 Things You Should Know About Dating In Panama

True love. Is it worth it to take a chance at finding love in a foreign country? I did. And I just passed the 13-year mark with Marlene. Well, you can't fall in love without putting yourself out there and playing the dating game, whether it be in the physical world or in the online arena. So what's different about dating someone from Panama? Let's talk about that.

"I met Marlene in Alaska, when she was there visiting her cousin, and I just

couldn't let her escape back to Panama without me." -Chris (U.S.)

A lot of people move to Panama with a spouse, making them part of an adventurous couple ready to settle down in this Central American wonderland. For those people, this article might not provide much need-to-know info, but I think, in many ways they could still benefit from this, because many of the topics I'll discuss in this article have to do with how we conduct ourselves in public. Life in Panama is different, and by acting the way we did back home, we can sometimes ostracize ourselves.

Now, for single people moving to Panama, and maybe even some Panamanians in the dating game, I hope this article gives you some new insight on the mixing and mingling world of love and new friendships. Now, before someone writes in saying, “Wait a minute, Chris. You’ve been married for 13 years. What would you know about dating in this day and age?” Totally true. I have been married to my Panamanian wife, Marlene, for a long time. However, both Marlene and I, have worked in Panama. We’ve been around young singles and not-so-young singles, and we’ve heard all the stories, all the complaints, and all the expectations. You should hear some of the stories we’ve been privy too.

Through what we’ve both learned, we’ve compiled a list, and I want to share that with you now. These are in no specific order, and as always, I don’t aim to upset anyone, not Panamanian and not readers from any other country. I love Panama and its people, so in no way is this meant to insult anyone.  

Just like when I wrote my 10 Things You’ll Hate About Panama article, which you can read HERE if you missed it, and in my 15 Quirky Things About Panama, which you can read HERE, I’m sure I’ll have people write in saying they’ve never seen or heard of such things and that I’m full of it. Someone wrote that they’ve never seen anyone put ketchup on food here in Panama and wondered where I’m getting my info. So again, these are all things I’ve either witnessed myself or have heard from friends, coworkers, or family members. This is Panama For Real. Let’s get to dating in Panama.

Before breaking down this list of 10 things you should know, I think it’s important to say that I know what a lot of people are expecting me to add to the list. It’s no secret that men (and women) have moved to Panama and have been swindled by some money-hungry, gold-digging lover. It happens. But as with most things negative here in Panama, it happens all over the world, and that’s why I haven’t added the subject to the 10 things list, but will address it on its own.

If you flip through the TV channels and check out some of the reality shows, you’ll see that in the U.S. plenty of young women are going after older men with money. If you turn to the world of online dating, it’s easy to find Latinas searching for wealthy men, Russian mail order brides, Asian seductresses, and American escorts all looking for a buck. It happens everywhere and definitely isn’t unique to Panama. And it's not unique to women. Ladies are screwed over by young men trying to sleep their way to the top, all the time, and gay men and women encounter this situation too. 

When you think about it, it’s just a big game. If you’re an older, single guy here in Panama, trying to pick up a 20-something sex kitten, you have to know what you’re setting yourself up for. You want that sex kitten for a reason, and that sex kitten is going to get something out of it too. If you’re an older woman, searching for a young, muscle-bound stud, a boy toy, chances are, he’s got goals too.

"I'm a REAL Panamanian woman. I'm single and open to finding 

an honest, fun, and loving man. No games here." -Lupe (Panama)

And it's not just young men and women pulling this scam. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it's the haves and the have-nots. And there are plenty of people in Panama, and everywhere else, more than willing to date someone just because they think he or she has money. So just be careful. If you're out with someone you're freshly dating and they hint that they like a pair of shoes, okay, maybe you buy them a gift. But if it turns out they continuously ask for these "gifts" and every date seems to be a trip to the mall, you might want to stop and think about what you're getting yourself into.

That said, it’s important to note that Panama is full of lovely ladies and respectable gentlemen, more than willing to start an honest relationship with the right person. You, as a foreigner, just need to get realistic with your searching. You don’t go to South Beach in Miami and find the youngest blond with the biggest boobs in a string bikini, because you want to settle down and have a loving relationship, come on. And chances are, this bombshell doesn’t have her sights set on a 70-year-old man. 

So you also don’t go to Panama, hit the casinos, and find the youngest, hottest, guy or gal with the tightest body. You have to look deeper than that if you want to find a good man or woman in Panama, just like anyplace else.

My Canadian friend, Michael, just moved to Panama and had an

unfortunate experience with dating. He's single again, ladies!

You’ll notice that I’ve included photos of single people and some couples in this article. Real people are out there. And the couples? These are all interracial couples (sounds weird to call it that), Panamanians who’ve met and have fallen in love with someone from a foreign country. So it can be done. These are people who are in committed relationships. So let’s talk about some of the stuff that makes these relationships work.

The list you’re about to read is the 10 Things You Should Know About Dating In Panama. Some of it might be a bit controversial. It might piss some people off, but none of this is fairytale. This is all info collected from single people out in the dating world. You may not agree with some of it, but I’m sure if you ask around, you’ll find someone who does. And as always, this doesn’t pertain to every single Panamanian or gringo or other foreigner, but it does apply to quite a few of them, lol.

Dress Appropriately – 

This is probably the number one complaint I hear from Panamanian friends. "Why do gringos always look like backpackers? Why don't they ever dress up?"

Now this is a pimped out way to dress for a date

I get it, trust me, I do. If your life back home was anything like mine (I wore a suit 5 days a week), you’re loving being able to throw on shorts, a tank top, and a pair of flip flops. And that’s fine if you’re just lounging around your home, chilling out in a hammock, or running in to the supermarket real quick to pick up some eggs. But if you’re going on a date, Panamanians would hope that you’d dress accordingly.  

“I went on a date one time and this guy showed up in shorts, sneakers, and a T-shirt. We were just going to the movies, but I wanted to dress to impress him and apparently he didn’t care to do the same.” -Lisette (Panama)

That’s a very real situation. Just because we’re in a place with a laidback lifestyle, don’t leave your manners back home. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you’re going out on a date, it’s a good idea to dress as if their opinion of you matters. At least throw on a pair of jeans, some casual shoes, and a button up shirt or polo. And cologne or perfume is also greatly appreciated J.

You Might Meet The Parents – 

Unlike in the U.S., where we’re all itching to get out on our own as soon as we reach the age of 18, Panamanians will typically stay at home until they’re married. This could mean well into their 30s. It really doesn’t matter the age. If they’re single, they might still live at home.

"I met Alberto when we lived in the same building. He courted

me by constantly making me Panamanian derretidos." (Lilieth, Nicaragua) 

Now, this doesn’t apply to all Panamanians. I know plenty living on their own, but it’s very common here to share a home with your parents. I have friends who’ve left the home, one has even gotten married, and after the divorce, he’s back with his parents. This is a very family oriented country. So there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it’s the opposite, and it’s the single parent moving back in with the child. I’ve seen that too.

How does this apply to dating? Well, first, you might unexpectedly meet mom, and second, you might not get invited in at the end of the date, not if there are family members waiting inside. Panama is huge on respect for the family. So make sure you keep that in mind.

Don’t Be A Wallflower – 

One of the biggest turn offs for Panamanian women especially, but it also applies to Panamanian men, is a date who doesn’t dance. Dancing is a big part of Panamanian culture. If you’re young, you’ll probably end up in a nightclub (still called discos here) with reggaeton, rap, and techno. If you’re a little older, you’ll probably be taken to a salsa or tipico club, so be ready to dance.

"Randy and I worked together for awhile. It wasn't until after I left the job that he 

got the guts to ask me out." -Anabell (Panama, Randy is from the U.S.)

The good news? It doesn’t necessarily matter whether or not you can dance. It matters that you try. Marlene used to get so mad at me because I didn’t want to dance. I always felt like people would make fun of me and giggle, like, “Look at the goofy gringo.” And they probably do. Now, I try to just get out on the dance floor and have a good time. Sure, there are times when I don’t feel like dancing, but Marlene will usually convince me.

If You Don’t Dance, Someone Else Will – 

I’ve written before about the “no shame” Panamanian men, and some women display. If a man likes you in Panama, he’s going to tell you, either with a whistle, a hiss, or a honk of the horn. And some women are the same.

This applies to dating too. Don’t be surprised to see men staring at your date (or women).

If you're afraid to dance, take a salsa class

A friend told us about one night when she was at a casino, with a guy she’d been dating for awhile. They were having a great time, dancing the night away to the live band. When they finally took a break and sat down for a second, a guy immediately approached, completely ignored her date, and asked her if she’d like to dance. She was surprised because she’d had men look at her and flirt with her and stuff, but it was the first time she’d been approached like that while with her boyfriend. She turned the guy down and had to calm her boyfriend down, who was not surprisingly pissed.

So, back to the dancing thing. This guy had been dancing with his date and someone still tried to step in, so imagine if you’re just sitting at a table, and your lady looks bored (or your man). There’s a good chance someone might come along to turn that frown upside down.

Don’t Be Afraid To Speak Spanish – 

My Spanish still stucks. I’m very well aware of that, but I’m forced to try all day, every day, in order to get my point across. I understand that some people are embarrassed to try (I still am sometimes), but if you’re on a date with someone who speaks very little, if any, English, it will be so much appreciated if you just try.

"The moment I met Tom 17 years ago in Japan, I knew he was trouble."

-Virginia (Panama/U.S., Tom is from the U.S.)

So don't be afraid. If your date laughs or giggles a little, they’re probably not making fun of you. It’s usually because they find it cute that you’re trying. It’s the same when someone tries to speak English around you. I used to love my wife’s accent and found it not only cute, but extremely sexy when she’d try to speak English. Now, she’s great with English (and still sexy honey, don’t worry) and I hardly notice an accent.

If you’re at a dinner, try to use a little bit of Spanish when glancing over a menu. What better way to communicate and flirt a little than having your date help you with your language skills? Plus, after a couple glasses of wine, you might even find it a little easier to roll your Rs.  

Watch Out For That Latin Jealousy –

For a place where the people seem shameless, there’s definitely no shortage of jealousy.  Panama is full of hot women and handsome studs, so don’t let your eyes wander when you’re with your date. You can try and play it off all you want, but they’ll probably notice and it’s not the best way to get the ball rolling. It’s no different form any other place in the world, really. If you start your date by checking out other women (or men), that’s keying your date in on the fact that you’ll probably continue doing it throughout the relationship.

"Gay relationships in Panama can be a bit confusing and difficult because

Panamanians are so sensitive and jealous. I haven't found my soul mate yet, 

but I'm still in the process of searching." -Phablo (Guatemala, living in Panama)

And unfortunately, Panamanian men aren’t know for being loyal to their women. It’s a fact, a sad one, but true. I know people in the States and in other countries cheat on their spouses, but I never heard about it there the way I do here. I’m always hearing stories about cheating spouses, and most of the time it’s the double-dealing husband. So Panamanian women expect that. It’s up to you to show them something different. And trust me, if you set off down an unfaithful path, you’re going to see a fiery temper fly.

Here’s Whatsapp -  

Right now it’s Whatsapp, but in the future it could be any text messaging service or hot phone application. Whatsapp, if you don’t already know, is a free app you can download for your Smartphone. It allows you to chat with other people, I think anyplace in the world (I text friends and family in the U.S. all the time), as if they were right here in Panama. It’s hugely popular here.

What does that mean? It means you might end up speaking to your date through text messaging over the phone instead of actually speaking. It’s just the way things are here. So it’s a good idea to download the app ahead of time to make it easy to communicate.

"We met while working together in the U.S., and moved to Panama last year.

12 years of marriage and still going strong." -Alyce (U.S., Juan Carlos is from Panama)

Something to add, don’t be surprised to see your date text messaging during dinner or a movie. I know, I know, it’ unacceptable. It drives you crazy. And it’s not a good sign on a first date (or any date for that matter), but Panama is ridiculously plugged in. Everyone, and I mean everyone from age 12 (or younger) to age 70 (and up) has a Smartphone and is constantly checking it.

I mentioned on Facebook just the other day that I was shocked to see a girl on the back of a motorcycle, chatting away with both hands while the driver zigzagged through traffic. That girl must really trust her thighs.

You Said 8 o’clock (ish) right? – 

I can hear my Panamanian friends groaning on this one, but come on guys, it’s so true. Tardiness is just part of Panama’s mañana attitude. Everything is super chill and relaxed here, which is one of the main reasons you’re interested in Panama, right? I mean we all come here hoping to escape some of the stress and work-before-life mentality. Well, that relaxation carries into all parts of life here.

"I met this devil dog at a Farewell party, we started hanging out with no expectations, 

and love just happened. We've been together 4 years now. Couldn't be happier." 

-Dafne (Panama, Brendan is from the U.S.)

If you’re planning a party, you need to know that if you tell people to show up at 7pm, no one will arrive until after 8 (if that early). I found this out when I threw my first big birthday bash. I worked at a call center and invited almost everyone in the building. I think the party started at 9pm or something like that. At 9:30 I was standing in my empty living room thinking, “Damn, this sucks.” The neighbors were having a hoppin’ party down the street. Why was mine so dead?

By 11pm my party was almost out of control. I had people on the back balcony, stuffed into both living rooms, and out in front of our house on the street. 

I tell you this because you need to know ahead of time that if you tell your date to be ready, or to meet you, at 8pm, expect them to be ready at 9. It’s not meant to be disrespectful and it doesn’t mean they’re going to stand you up, it probably just means they haven’t arrived yet, and it’s as simple as that.

Push Buttons – 

I don’t know whether you kiss on the first date or not, and I don’t know how many dates you’re going on with your potential suitor, so I have no idea of knowing how it will end up. Let’s say things escalate and you’re both all hot and heavy, looking for a place to do the ditty. We’ve already established that there’s a good chance you won’t be able to go back to their place and I know nothing about your place. Maybe you’re staying in a crowded hostel or maybe you have kids at home with the nanny. For whatever reason, you’re looking for a place to wind down your date.

If you’ve ever seen those buildings on the side of Transistmica or Avenida Domingo Diaz or many other places, the ones that look like cheap Vegas hotels, and didn’t know what they were, they’re called Push Buttons. They’re basically in-and-out, convenient places for people to have a secret rendezvous. They're not whore houses as some people seem to think. You'll need to bring a date with you.

This is a push button

When you drive in, you’ll see a bunch of open garage doors. Just pull your car in, park, turn off the ignition (seriously, people have been nervous and ended up dead from leaving their car running in the garage), and push the button to close the garage door. That signals someone inside that you want a room. Prices differ, depending on the type of room (you pay more for the fancier ones) and the amount of time you want to use the room. I think the average for a cheap room is about $12 for two hours, something like that.

The attendant will take your payment through a slot in the door and then you can enter. You never see the attendant and your car is secure in the garage, so it’s all secret and discreet. I’ll write more about this some other time, but I just thought you should know, in case you’re nearing the end of your date and you’re either being driven into a push button, your date mentions it, or it’s your idea altogether.

Using Protection -

I have to be careful with this one, because it might upset people. I won’t say that EVERYONE in the U.S. uses a condom during sex, but I can tell you that it seems that NO ONE wears one here. Ok, I’m sure some people do, lol. 

However, I've heard some wild and crazy sex stories, from people with no shame, blurting out their adventures for all to hear. Sometimes, after hearing these insane hook up stories, I'd say, "Please tell me you wore a condom.” The reply was always something like, “Ha, what? No.”

This was the reply when talking to male and female coworkers, gay and straight. I met a guy one time that was dating one girl, sleeping with another girl, and had just hooked up with a 3^rd random girl. None of these 3 girls knew what was going on. Was he wearing a condom? Not with any of them.

I was talking with Marlene about it, when planning to write this post, and she said the exact same thing, that she was blown away by the amount of people not wearing protection. These are young college kids and business professionals, young and older.

Condom directions on our hotel nightstand in Las Tablas

So, whether you’re dating someone of the same sex, or the opposite sex, this is something you need to keep in mind. I’m not going to sit here and preach to people, but seriously, for your safety, for the safety of your date, and to make sure there aren’t any more single mothers out there, you should seriously think about using a condom.

If you’re reading this article, and you’re not someone who goes without protection, ask around. You might be shocked to find out how many people are going at it completely naked. 

Well, that's it for the 10 Things You Should Know About Dating In Panama. I'm sure some of you out there could easily come up with more. If so, fill us in in the comments section below.

Thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who sent in photos for this article. You guys rock! 

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