10 Not-So-Obvious Things I Love About Panama

I missed you guys. Really, I did. I’ve been thinking a lot about Panama For Real and wishing I had more time to dive back into the pool of milky white virtual paper and Verdana font. The truth is, I’ve been incredibly busy putting food on the table. I’ve said before that Panama isn’t an easy place to live if you need to earn a living. It’s super chill if you have a reliable, steady flow of income, but having to deal with the daily grind can be a menace. And that’s where I find myself now. PFR, being a 100% free website definitely doesn’t pay the bills, but that’s my burden, not yours. I promise to keep this going if you promise to hang in there whenever I’m plagued with random bouts of holy-cow-I’m-too-freakin’-busy-to-focus-on-a-Panama post. Deal?

That said, what better way to get back into motion than to talk about some of the completely random things I love about Panama? You’re probably groaning right now, thinking, “Come on, Chris. Everyone writes the 10 things you’ll love about Panama stuff.” True enough. Fair enough. But I promise to try and do this a little different from the pay-for-info sites. Let me break it down to show you what I mean. 

I love seeing Estefania and Victoria getting involved in their new country's celebrations

Everyone writes about the convenience of our time zone (no daylight savings time changes here), banking, the use of the U.S. dollar, the ability (kind of) to get by speaking very little Spanish, and of course the raw beauty you find in Panama. I've written about these things too. But what else is there to love about Panama?

1. Bananas – 

I freakin’ love bananas. And they’re incredibly cheap here. This is the banana capital of the world. At the supermarket closest to my house, bananas right now cost about $.30 a pound. 

I love bananas. Nico does too. 

I participated in a book-promotion interview recently and was asked to list some things people didn’t already know about me. Bananas. The fruit was on the list. I told the story about how, when I was in high school, our football coach insisted that everyone on the team join an alternate sport in the off-season. The idea was that none of us would get lazy. I, and my good buddy Brian, joined track. Brian was a 300-pound lineman and wanted to throw discus. I had no serious athletic ability. I was a pretty good football player, but I wasn’t great. I wasn’t fast that’s for sure. 

So what did I do on the track team? I ate bananas. Yep, I sat in the bleachers, with Brian, and munched on bananas out of a big plastic grocery bag the track coach brought to each track meet. When it was time to run my 100-yard dash, I’d get up, run the race, lose the race, and then sit back down. As I listened to people whisper jokes like, “Damn, that white boy’s shadow was faster than he was,” I’d eat more bananas while flippin’ them the bird. 

I love seeing unintentionally raunchy traffic signs 

(seriously, I took this photo in the El Doroado area)

I think I’ve told you guys this story already, but the funny thing about Panama, is even with the oversupply of bananas, it can be incredibly difficult getting a banana split sometimes. I used to go the Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors in Costa del Este, or what I like to call the 10 flavors over and over again. Every single time I tried to order a banana split, I was told they were out of bananas. I’m not kidding. They were out of bananas all the time. So one day, I kid you not, I took my own bananas. I put one in each of my front pockets and drove to Baskin Robins. I ordered a banana split.

“Lo siento, Señor. No hay bananas.” I was told (Ok, that’s my crappy Spanish at work, but it went something like that).

“Ah,” I said as I acted like I had an amazing idea. “No hay problema.”

I pulled the two bananas out of my pockets and placed them on the counter. The girl looked shocked and then started laughing with her coworker. I’m sure I was the joke of the place for a while, but I got my banana split that’s for sure.

2. Boxing on regular TV – 

I remember living in the U.S. and wanting to see the big fight. If you didn’t have HBO or Showtime you’d have to find a buddy who did or you'd have to head to a local bar. Some of the big fights were on pay-per-view right? 

I love sitting behind video-game-loving truck drivers in traffic

You don’t have to worry about that here in Panama. The fights are always on basic cable. The Pacquiao VS Algieri fight the other night was playing on my father-in-law’s TV—free. The UFC fights used to play free on basic cable too, but I think that’s changed. I haven’t seen the fights live lately. I could be wrong about that though. Still, if you want to watch a UFC fight or a WWE event, you just find a website that allows you to either stream it live or watch post-premier, or like back home, just head out to Hooters or one of the sports bars in town.

I’d love to hear back from readers already living in Panama. What are some of the ways you watch live events that aren’t on basic cable?

3. Bootlegged stuff – 

I’ve seen the short videos that play at the beginning of the DVDs you rent out of the Redbox. Pirated videos are wrong because they support terrorism and don’t support the companies that charge $24.99 per DVD. Ok, I’m not saying that I don’t believe in the whole “pirating is stealing” idea. I get it. But I also remember going to a record store and spending an absurd amount of money on a CD that probably had one, maybe two songs I liked. The rest were filler songs. Likewise, I remember going into a popular DVD store, like um…what’s it called…FYE I think, and spending over $30 on a DVD. That’s close to robbery.

I love hanging out with baby Brad, the newest Kidpat in the family

So, I have to admit that I kind of like that you can buy cheap DVDs on the sidewalk in front of the supermarkets and that you can go to one of the shopping centers and pick up an R4 chip to stick in your kids’ Nintendo DS, pre-loaded with up to 100 games (rather than pay $50 per game).

I like that you can take a Playstation system to El Dorado and have it altered so it can play bootlegged games that cost $5 rather than the real games that cost $70. I like that you can honk your horn and buy crazy Latin music mixes for an upcoming party from the guy in the street median. I like that you can buy cheap wannabe Samsung cell phone chargers for your car and fake Oakley sunglasses for your face. Sorry, had to add the “for your face” ending to that sentence because it just flowed so smoothly (and it made me laugh). Realistically, the people who can afford it are still going to buy the name brands. A fake Rolex is a fake Rolex. It’s probably not going to keep time like the real thing, but it can look cool at a cocktail party. 

I love seeing my kids so happy with baby Brad around (family is everything here)

Is it wrong? I guess. I don’t know. I’m a writer and someone asked me the other day how I’d feel if he picked up my book for free online at one of the pirate sites. I said, “Dude, if you can find my book for free, I’d be honored if you stole it.” Shoot, I’ve given my books away so many times for free on Amazon and Smashwords that it doesn’t make much of a difference. Two of my novels are free right now on Wattpad. Publicity is publicity. If someone reads my book for free, likes it, and either tells someone about it or writes a review on Amazon, that’s helpful to me. So I’m cool with it. 

Plus, I’m not making many dimes writing. It’s not the reason I’m writing. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to make a living on my books, but I write to entertain. It’s what I love to do. If I can hit Stephen King status at some point in my future, I’ll probably pass out from excitement, but in the meantime I’ll stick with being an underground, street writer. Does that even exist? Sounds like a new novel idea. The shoddy world of underground novel writing, ha! Where we sell our bodies for the chance at publication!

4. Fireworks – 

Yes, fireworks have been mentioned on other websites. Panamanians celebrate everything by shooting bright flowery rockets into the night sky. Don't believe me? Check out the video I shot from my brother-in-law's condo last Christmas Eve HERE. 

What I love about Panama is the fact that everyone can buy fireworks. In the U.S., it’s getting ridiculous. When I left, the only fireworks that were legal to buy were the freakin’ white popit things kids throw at the ground and sparklers. Oh and those little volcano shaped things that spew colorful sparks from their tops. Those are exciting.

I love clownin' around on Halloween (yep, that's me, the clown)

I’m sure out in the country somewhere, probably back where my dad’s living in the prairie lands, on the outskirts of Tulsa, Oklahoma, the fields are alive with the real deal fireworks, but in most places they’re illegal.

In Panama, every day of the year you’ll find fireworks stores, or little roadside stands, selling everything from bottle rockets to mortars. And if you happen to get lucky enough to move into a predominantly Chinese neighborhood here in Panama, you’re in for a treat—especially during the Chinese New Year. I lived in a neighborhood called Los Laureles, and my Chinese neighbors were fireworks fanatics. I think they shot off fireworks on their wedding anniversaries and their kids’ birthdays and maybe even each time their kids got a 5 (equal to an A here) on a school test. It was nuts. What did I, the gringo with no fireworks on hand, do to show my support? I banged pots and pans of course. That’s what we do! I clanged metal lids against aluminum pots and shouted, “Happy New Year, Happy Anniversary, and good job on that 5, kid!”

5. The 13th month and lots of holidays – 

I was off work the other day, and I don’t even know why. That’s awesome. Back home, I’d be lucky to get Veterans Day off and I’m a freakin’ veteran. Mother’s Day was no big deal in the U.S. Sure, you’d get your wife flowers and chocolates and jewelry and probably maker her dinner or breakfast in bed. Then both of you would head off to work while the kids went to school. Not in Panama. Mother’s Day is a national holiday here. The government shuts down, the kids are out of school…it’s a big deal.

I love my wife and the mother of my children! 

A free Disney musical was live on stage at the Cinta Costera and it was packed. My wife was invited to my kids' school Mother's Day celebration where gifts were raffled off and my kids did everything from singing to dancing to reading poetry with their classmates. At my school, the guys got together and bought lunch for the moms, gave roses to each mom, and put on crazy sketch show with singing, dancing, lip syncing, and even a comedy skit. 

I’m sure fireworks were going off somewhere in town that day. Father’s Day? A pretty big deal, but not nearly as big as Mother’s Day.

Independence Days are a big deal here too. And it seems like there are a hundred of ‘em. Ok, before I get the ridiculous comments and emails from Panamanians schooling me on exactly how many days there are and on what each one of them means…I know already. I’m just goofing around. However, there are several independence days here and each is taken quite seriously. 

So, as I told a reader recently who was considering coming down to Panama in November to take care of his immigration paperwork. Don’t plan anything during the month of November. Don’t do it! Just don’t. November is holiday month here. And when there are two or three holidays during the week, it’s customary to shut everything down for the whole week. So don’t set yourself up for that kind of frustration. Instead, enjoy the days off and have fun like everyone else. Head to Casco Viejo (Casco Antiguo as it’s now referred) and watch the desfiles (parades).

I loved seeing Vica (the only girl on drums) hang with the boys all day 

at the parade. She was a trooper.

Oh, and another great thing about working in Panama is the 13th month. Panamanian employees earn an extra 1/3rd of their salary in April, August, and December. It’s called the decimo. I love it because it’s kind of a way of making sure that Panamanians receive some sort of Christmas bonus. 

Let’s face it, many (not all) employers here are foreigners and cheapskate foreigners at that. People move to Panama and open businesses because they want to save some money. More often than not it’s at the expense of the Panamanian worker. I’ve seen people forced to work 6 (or 7) days a week, with no vacation, no holidays off, no decimo, and at pay far below minimum wage…it’s horrible. And this is really common when employers hire illegal immigrants (like Venezuelans trying to escape the situation in their home country). I’ve known many Venezuelan people, skilled workers, making sad amounts of money while working ridiculous hours.

I can’t tell you how to handle illegal immigrants working for you, but a fair shake would be really cool. When it comes to Panamanian workers, if you own a business here, or if you plan to, please abide by the rules. Don’t try to rip Panamanians off and force them to work on their holidays (without holiday overtime pay). Or for the bare minimum salary. And if you do, don’t complain later that the quality of work here is lousy. You get what you pay for. 

If someone were paying me $300 per month, I’d turn in shit work too. It’s just a fact of life. You can pay workers less than you would in the U.S. or in Canada or in the U.K., and still pay well over Panama's minimum wage.

6. Buying cheap stuff – 

Yes, I know the difference between cheap and affordable, but remember, I’m from Oklahoma and we use the two interchangeably for the most part. When I say cheap, I don’t mean it’s falling apart. I mean it’s not spendy. It’s not pricey. Rent in Panama isn’t cheap, at least not in Panama City. I’ve been over that before. Food can be if you buy local brands. But life in Panama can still be incredibly affordable in many aspects. Please, Chris, do explain. Sure I will.

Cheap Clothes: Ha, this can go both ways as in cheap (the ironed-on mighty Avengers patch in the front of your kids’ pajamas peels off the first time you wash it) and as in cheap (you won’t break your bank buying a pack of panties).

I’m a fan of the Silver Jack jeans. They’re like Silver Tab in my opinion. I can’t bring myself to spend $50 on a pair of blue jeans. Instead, I’ll head to Saks (not 5th avenue, but Juan Diaz or El Dorado, big difference) or Dorians and pick up a pair of Silver Jacks for $10-$15. I’ve gotten lucky and found a $7 sale going on once. As I’ve mentioned before, just check your pockets and make sure your hands fit in them. And do try them on before purchasing as the crotches on jeans can be tight (narrow? short? non-existent? How do you accurately describe minimal crotch space) and sewn-in, instant wedgies happen often. 

I love when my kids work together on school projects

Women can find nice looking shoes and high heels for like $3 a pop. Let’s be honest, ladies, most of you have a closet full of shoes and only wear each pair a couple of times. So why spend a fortune on a pair when you can pick up one for every occasion for crazy affordable prices? If you’re dainty, or skinny I should say, T-shirts can cost as low as $1.99. Chubby fellows like me, or broad-shouldered chaps aren’t going to slip into these threads. We need to find the American brands, but even those can be found for $5 to $7 a T-shirt at the same places I mentioned before.

Cheap beer: If you’re not able to fit into the $1.99 T-shirts it might be because you’ve already discovered the cheap beer. A can of local beer costs less than $.70. The price of a six pack hovers right around $4.00, usually less. Click HERE to check out this article I wrote awhile back about buying drinks in Panama for more info on the subject (be advised this was written about a year ago so prices have gone up a few cents). 

I love quick trips to the mountains, like this one to Altos del Maria

A word of advice, watch out for some of the bars on Calle Uruguay, the hot party spot in Panama’s downtown area. At one of the karaoke places, I went to the bar to buy a couple of bottles of Balboa beer (local brand that would cost about $.79 each in the supermarket) and was quoted $8. That’s EIGHT. As in 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…for two Panamanian beers. That’s ridiculous. That’s how much I paid for a Budweiser in Alaska. Now, if you go to a more down-to-earth, local bar here in Panama, you’ll pay a dollar (or less) for the same bottle of Balboa beer. So just watch out.

Cheap haircuts: I’ve had the same military-like do for a long time, and I cut my own hair. It all started when I lived in Boynton Beach, Florida, and the local barber shop charged me $17 for this haircut. I paid it a few times and it always bothered me knowing I was shelling out $20 (with the tip) for such a quick and easy job. That’s when I went to Walmart, picked up a $14 clipper, and started doing my own hair. Turns out I have an odd shaped head that makes it nearly impossible for me to mess up. 

I love $.35 bus and train rides

I said nearly because it just so happens that I did mess up, years ago on the day before my daughter’s birthday,  when I shaved the front of my hair clean off and ended up having to shave my whole head bald. Not fun. Funny, not fun.

In Panama, you won’t have to worry about that $17 do. I got my hair cut for $4. My wife can get hers cut for probably about $8. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you go to one of the fancy salons in Multiplaza Mall or in the San Francisco or Paitilla areas, you’ll pay top dollar, just like back home. But if you go to a Factory Fashion or a local salon, men and women can expect to pay much less. The trick, just like with any salon, is to find someone you trust and keep going back to them.

Cheap movies: I’ve mentioned this a few times, but I’m a movie fanatic, so it’s something I love about Panama. The last time I took my daughters to see a movie in the U.S. was in Chicago, Illinois. I paid $17 for parking at the theater, $10 for my ticket, $8 for each of my daughters' tickets, and by the time I paid for snacks, I’d spent about $60. 

Fast forward a couple of years to the first time I took them to see a movie at the Cinemark in Los Pueblos. It was a Wednesday night, which happens to be cheap movie day here in Panama. For the three of us I paid just over $6 total for tickets. Add $10 at the most for snacks and I spent about $16 at the movies.

I love buying fresh pipa (coconut water) from this guy under

the bridge in San Miguelito

The trick is to make sure you go on a Wednesday. I think right now Cinemark is still running their Thursday special where you can show your Pricesmart membership card (like Costco or Sam’s Club here) and get 2 for 1 movie tickets.

And if you happen to go to the movies any other day of the week, it’s usually only about $4 a person. 3D is a little bit more and VIP (the reclining leather seats) is somewhere around $10 each ticket.

Here are the websites for the two main theaters here if you want to check pricing and show times. Cinemark and Cinepolis. Or for a quick look at what's playing at all the Panama cinemas try Cinespanama. Just remember SUB or SUBITULADA means the movie is in English with Spanish subtitles. DOB or DOBLADA means the movie will be dubbed in Spanish.

7. Mini Supers, often referred to as Chinos – 

Before I’m pounced on, I’m not a fan of calling them chinos, but that’s what people know them as. In fact, I know the name of the Chinese owner of the store near my house, Erica, and I suggest you get to know the owners of your closest mini-super too. You might make a good friend.

I almost put this section up there with the cheap items list because what I love most about these mini-supers is the ability to buy exactly what you need, the actual amount you need, for affordable prices. If I need 2 eggs because I’m baking a cake, I can run to the store and purchase 2 eggs. I don’t have to buy a dozen like at a normal supermarket.

I love fishing mangos out of the tree in our front yard

If I need one trash bag for some reason, I can buy one trash bag. If my daughter has an art project for school and needs one pair of wobbly eyes for a sock puppet, I can buy one pair of eyes instead of an entire package. I love it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve rushed to the mini-super in a pinch. I’ve gone to pick up oil, a banana, half a chicken, one stick of butter…you name it. The place closest to my house has stacks of eggs right at the cash register. So, if you need 1 Snickers bar, 1 box of matches, 1 razor for shaving, 3 pieces of gum, 1 razor blade, 3 trash bags, and 2 eggs, you’re in luck. I don’t know why you’d need all that stuff, in that denomination, unless you’re MacGyver, but you never know.

8. Ability to Negotiate – 

In the U.S., we’ve lost the ability to negotiate. Unless you’re at a used car dealership or trying to buy a house, negotiation has almost become a thing of the past. In Panama, if you know what you’re doing, and if you speak Spanish, it’s a handy tool. 

I love ceviche, one of my new favorite snacks

When I first moved to Panama, I needed to buy appliances. I’d left the house back home up for sale, and figured it would be best to leave the appliances in it, rather than trying to sell a gutted home. This meant I needed to buy a stove, a fridge, a washer, and a dryer. I made sure I took my mother-in-law with me. Gloria, my wife’s mother, is awesome. She’s a good friend, but also super handy to have around too. She knows how to negotiate and isn’t afraid to give people a piece of her mind when they’re full of it. I had no idea I could negotiate here, but when I went to buy a stove, she immediately started talking down the price.

I love street performers

This wasn’t at a garage sale or a Salvation Army or some mom and pop store. This was Rodelag, a major appliance store here. She asked the sales person for a discount. He went to ask his boss and we ended up paying less. I’m not sure how much, but less. At a Do-It-Center (kind of like a Home Depot here), I wanted to buy an exercise bike. I think the price was $150 or something like that. It was the only one available though and I know my wife hates buying the floor model. Plus, this one had a scratch on it. I negotiated with the sales person and he talked to his boss. I ended up getting it for like $20 less.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to talk his way into a sweeter deal. I just don’t like the hassle of it. I’m more likely to just pay the regular price than to try and negotiate every time I walk into a store, but if you’re able to, and you like that kind of thing, give it a try.

9. Barcelona vs. Madrid days – 

I love American football, but I’ve come to appreciate futbol (or soccer). I’ll never forget my first Barcelona vs. Madrid game. I was with my Finnish friend, Juha. We went to a local bar to drink beer, eat greasy appetizers, and see these two teams battle it out. I had no idea the importance of this rivalry. I’d seen the red jerseys worn by half the city’s population whenever the Panama team was set to play a game, but why would Panamanians care so much about two teams from Spain? I wouldn’t think it would be a big deal. Wrong.

I love push buttons. They're just so cool, cheap, and convenient, ha!

There are two types of people in Panama. Barcelona fans and Real Madrid fans. It’s almost like the Capulets and the Montagues. I’m not even sure if a Barcelona fan and a Madrid fan can marry. Their kids may be shunned by society.

This is a rivalry taken seriously. On our way to that bar to see my first ever Barcelona vs. Madrid game, the guy driving the car got pulled over. He was going the wrong way on a one-way street, just for a second, trying to find the bar. The cop knocked on his window, the guy rolled it down, and as soon as the cop peered in and saw he was wearing a Real Madrid jersey, he just smiled and said something like, “You’re lucky you’re wearing the right team’s jersey. If you’d been wearing a Barcelona shirt I, would’ve given you a ticket.” That was it. We were on our way. Not even a warning. Just a laugh and a “the bar’s thataway.” 

When I got our car, a used one, it had a Barcelona license plate on the front of it. I took it off. Not because I don’t like Barcelona. I don’t really have a preference between the two teams. I just didn’t want to get pulled over someday and happen to meet a cop who favors the opposing team.

10. Old fashioned lifestyle – 

Ok this one is rapidly changing, but I still feel like this place is kind of like the U.S. in the 50s. Ha, like Leave it to Beaver without the Beaver. More like Leave it to Manuel. 

I’ve mentioned the opportunity here a lot. Especially in places like Pedasi, these small beach towns that are constantly growing. If you move to one of these small places like Aguadulce or the farming area (not the resort side) of Rio Hato or even Penonome, and you notice something is missing, just bring it to the town yourself.

Please, no more pizzerias in Coronado! Sorry, that had to be said.

What I mean is, if you move to the town and you realize it would be really cool to have a super chill café where local talent can strum the guitar on Friday evenings, just do it. What’s stopping you? If you notice there’s not a good sandwich shop in town, and you happen to be a deli master, what are you waiting for? Bring your culinary karate to that town.

I love butt naked piñatas. This photo cracks me up every time.

And it’s not just the opportunity that reminds me of the 50s (not that I was alive in the 50s, but I’ve seen Back to the Future and it looks awesome). It’s the freedom and the way of life.

You can still, at some gas stations, have your gas pumped for you and your windows washed and your oil and tire pressure checked. People still bag your groceries and carry them out to your car for you. Gardeners come to your house, stand outside, and call your name (or jefe or something like that) until you let them know whether you do or do not need their services. Shoe repair people ride around on bikes and solicit your business. A dude standing in the back of a pickup announces produce for sale through a megaphone as his team drives up and down the neighborhood streets. 

I love sweet deals like this gigantic bag of produce from Cerro Punta

And if you’d rather head to a farmer market yourself, do it. Go. Find your fresh and affordable veggies. Don’t even clean your house if you don’t want to. Hire someone to do it, just like the gardener and pool cleaners. These are hardworking Panamanians. Just pay them a fair wage and relax, enjoy the services they provide.

I love the uncorrupted freedom too. Let me explain as I’m sure someone just jumped off their computer chair, shook a fist in the air, and yelled, “WTF are you talking about, Chris, politicians are incredibly corrupt!” I don’t mean that. I mean the thought process in Panama isn’t corrupt. There’s still a naïve way about this place.

The people are just so much more laid back. Stupid things don’t bother them. For example, I’m working at a school right now. To show their appreciation, the 12th graders set up a really nice lunch for the teachers. It was a beautiful ceremony with a video showing each of the kids thanking their teachers. It was touching. After the video, the teachers were led to a buffet-style table and there was even sangria. Sangria is wine, people. Now, this was at the end of the school day, and teachers took only one cup of wine to toast with. The students didn’t drink a drop. But I thought that was really cool. This would never happen in the U.S. Why? Because at some point in time, a parent wrote in (this was probably long before email, and was probably the parent of a recently scorned child) and said they thought it was inappropriate for teachers to have wine in front of kids. Here it's not big deal.

For Teachers’ Day, which is also a big deal here in Panama, a lot of students bring gifts to the teachers. I received wonderful gifts: a Chinese teacup with candy, lots of chocolate and cookies, coffee cups, a really nice pen, and one student even brought me two gift-wrapped bottles of wine. Now, this wasn’t like slipping your teacher a bottle of Jack. This was honest appreciation. And I thought it was very sweet. And to any students or parents who happen to stumble upon this blog post, I want to say thank you. I really appreciate the gifts.

My point is that in Panama, I feel that life is still livable, not only at a slower pace, but with a little more freedom. Not everything is looked at under a magnifying glass. Casual Fridays still exist here. 

Living here, I’d buy fresh baked bread or diced fruit or jars of fresh honey from people in the street medians. Would I do that in the U.S.? Hell no, that would be weird. Somehow we’ve lost that sense of trust back home. Everything is scrutinized.

11. Sense of pride – 

As always, a little something extra. Panamanians have fought long and hard for their freedom and they’re well aware of it. We just went through the November month’s celebrations and I got to watch my daughters march in the desfiles (parades). Victoria was chosen to play the drums during one parade and both of my daughters danced in their polleras during another parade. These are events that go on for several days, all day long, and people love them.

As part of a school field trip, I got to go along with some of the classes to the movie theater to see the movie Historias del Canal. This was a Panama-made movie that focused on several stories, all having to do with the building of the Panama Canal and the history of the Canal Zone. Most of the movie was in English so I understood a good portion of it. Man, kind of like the old series Roots, this painted a horrible picture of how we treated Panamanians and everyone else involved in building the canal. It was tough to watch. I felt bad. And yes, for those who grew up in the Canal Zone, I know there are two sides to every story, but still, it’s an important story for not only Panamanians to understand, but for Americans living here. 

This is the movie I'm talking about

Following the movie, I assigned students an essay, where they needed to either write about their thoughts on the film, write about their trip to the Canal Museum, or write about how Panama would be today if it hadn’t experienced its past. Almost every student wrote something about Martyrs’ Day. 

Without going too heavy into the past, this is basically about a group of high school students who got fed up with the fact that Americans were not allowing Panamanians access to the Canal Zone area, and more importantly, the fact that the Panamanian flag was not allowed to fly alongside the American flag in this U.S. occupied area of Panama. So, the students protested, marched into the Canal Zone, and demanded their flag be raised next to the U.S. flag. Things got heated when the Panamanian flag was torn by Canal Zone police officers. In the end, it’s said that 21 Panamanians and 4 American soldiers sadly lost their lives. 

Of course, there’s much more to the story, but this is known as a major event that eventually helped lead to the Panamanians gaining possession of the Panama Canal from the U.S. and the U.S. military finally leaving Panamanian soil. 

I love Panamanian pride

Reading these kids’ thoughts on Martyrs Day was eye opening. It made me think about U.S. history and how similar it is to the Panamanians’. It made me think about our sense of pride and how far we’ve come as a nation.

You guys know me. You know I can get kind of preachy sometimes and I know you guys put me in my place when you don’t agree with me, but believe it or not, I think some of us here in Panama are forgetting where we come from. We might have some issues, ok some major issues in the U.S. right now, but we have to be careful about how we speak about our own country.

Never, never ever, have I heard a Panamanian bad mouth his or her country. Sure, they might agree that customer service needs some fixing and that traffic is a major problem, but it’s very rare to have someone flat out say they hate their country or can’t stand their country and that’s why they left. 

Now, go read some of the Facebook group threads or just listen when expats gather. Guys, we don’t hate our country. We don’t. At least I hope we don’t. Some of us may hate the current president, we may hate the way the IRS is able to dip its hands into our pockets, and we may hate the way our veterans are treated. Sure, some things definitely need fixing. But let’s be careful about how we speak about our country, especially in the presence of other foreigners. It just dumbs us down.

I worry that some people don’t really understand what it means to be an expat. Expat is short for expatriate and expatriate means a person temporarily or permanently living in a country that is not of the person’s upbringing. To many people, living abroad is just an extension of their American dream. They just want to retire somewhere exotic, someplace different. It has nothing to do with hatred or abandonment. It doesn't mean anti-patriot. At least not for most people.

I do not hate my country. Not at all. In fact, whenever Toby Keith’s “Angry American” plays or Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” plays, I get a little bit teary eyed. When that kid, Quintavious Johnson (age 12), sang the national anthem during the Lions game, I got chills and had to look it up on Youtube to show my kids. If you haven’t seen this kid sing, you need to check out this video. It’s amazing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNPc4oNkK04.

Things have taken a bad turn in the States, but every time I hear someone say that the U.S. is no longer a feared and powerful country, I'd love to smack 'em upside the head. We've still got the most badass country around. We've just got a few scrapes and bruises. As Coach used to say, "Get up and put some ice on it." 

We can love America while living in Panama, we can go after that American dream while living in Panama, and we can be proud of our country while living in Panama—just like the Panamanians who are proud of their country.

On that note, I'd just like to once again apologize for taking such a long break and thank you for hanging in there. Thanks for sticking around and as always, thanks for reading. 

Chris

Oh and for any new readers who've just found this blog, please don't forget to head over to my main website at http://www.PanamaForReal.com where you'll find a lot more info about living in Panama. Thanks again!

15 Tips to Mentally Prepare You for Life in Panama

I've been asked a few times recently about satisfaction among expats in Panama and what seems to drive people to pack up and leave. That's a tough question to answer because each person has his or her own story. It might be the constant humidity, the slower pace of life, traffic (if they live in Panama City), missing family and friends back home, boredom, or a number of other things that bothers someone enough to cause them to call it quits. 

You're probably thinking, "Boredom? Wait, what, Chris? How could someone be bored? They've waited all their life to retire, lie on a hammock, and sip wine while rereading the entire Nichols Sparks collection." Very true. George R. R. Martin is more my style, but whatever the reading material, yes, believe it or not, life can get dull when you've got the entire day free. 

Yes, even this can get boring

I won't get into that too much, but let's just say that it might take some getting used to. And other things about Panama might take some time to adjust to. That's what this article is all about. This is about the things you can do in the U.S. or in Canada or wherever you're living now to get a head start on mental preparation for this wild adventure you're waiting to begin. Doing some of these things now might help ease your mind a little bit when you finally settle down in Panama for the long haul. Now, I may have mentioned some of these things in other posts, but maybe not...I've written a lot, lol, I don't remember. 

Oh and one other thing. None of this is meant to be negative. It's just me joking around. So don't get sensitive on me. 

1. Rooster Alarm - The Corn Flakes commercial is a liar. I found out quickly the first time I visited the interior of this country that roosters don't quietly meander up to the fence post, take a look around, inhale a deep breath, and let out one long rooster crow before feeling satisfied and retiring back to the coop. 

This rooster in Penonome might be your new alarm clock

At least not in Panama. So, if you plan to move here, a good thing to do to practice and prepare yourself for life in the interior of this country, is to download the rooster alarm tone for your phone. Make sure you set it for "loud" and make sure you set it for 4:30am. Then, when it goes off at 4:30, make sure you have the snooze set to go off every two minutes, and let it do this all day. 

In towns like Rio Hato or Penonome or maybe even Aguadulce, plus some neighborhoods in larger cities, roosters may be as common as dogs, so prepare yourself in advance so you don't go nuts later. 

2. Start throwing yourself into traffic - You can't talk about real life in Panama City without touching on the subject of traffic. I sat in traffic about three hours yesterday trying to pick Mar up from work. This isn't so different from many other major cities though. What is different, is the need to throw yourself in front of other cars. 

You may have heard of the "juega vivo" attitude in Panama. It's basically the game of life and means players win by staying ahead of everyone else, so "me first." Nowhere is this more obvious than on the road. It's very, almost extremely, rare that anyone will let you pull out in front of them in traffic. No one is going to invite you into their lane. You literally have to step on the gas and put yourself in front of someone. It's risky, but it's how things are done here.

You'll have to force yourself into this

So, to prepare for this, just start pulling out in front of oncoming traffic (okay please be safe when you do this). If you want to get used to Panama City traffic, drive it like you stole it. Turn every day life into Grand Theft Auto (please don't really go steal cars or yank people out of the driver's side door and smack 'em around). 

3. Hire people to do stuff for you - One thing people look forward to when they think of moving to Panama is the option to have a maid clean your house (every day or a couple of days a week). You may even opt to have a live-in maid. Plus, other hands-on work you've always hated can be contracted out. Hire a gardener to make your home front look snazzy or just pay someone to mow the lawn. Get someone to clean your pool for you. Oftentimes they'll even come right to your door and offer their services. 

These guys are awesome!!!

These things sound great, right? Well, believe it or not, they may take some getting used to. My wife's family has had a maid working for them for about 15 years. She's like part of the family. They asked her to work for us when we first moved to Panama to make our adjustment easier. I have to say, I wasn't prepared for that. I grew up cleaning my own dishes and doing my own laundry so suddenly having someone around to do it was odd. I felt bad letting someone else clean my stuff. But it's her job and she's getting paid for it. It's like telling the bank teller you'll count your own cash or telling the barber you'll cut your own hair. You just don't do it. 

If you want to prepare for this, hire a complete stranger to walk back and forth in front of the TV while you watch the morning news. Have them clean stuff and move things around so that you can't find them later, lol. Seriously. That's what happens. Eventually you learn the person's ways and you come to really appreciate the help, but at first it's really weird having someone in your home, especially if they're a live-in maid. 

4. Random honking - This is something else I've mentioned several times in the past. Panamanians honk their car horns all the time. They honk to let people know they're passing their driveway, they honk when they see a pretty girl (or a handsome guy), they honk to say, "Hey, up yours, pal!," and they honk to let you know it's okay to start driving again as soon as the light turns green. 

Taxi drivers are the worst

To prepare yourself for this, just start honking at everything. When you're sitting at the traffic light, keep your hand at the ready. Just wait for it. Then, as soon as it turns green, just lay your whole elbow against the horn. Let it rip. Make sure the people in front of you know you're in a hurry and they need to get the hell out of your way. 

Then, wait 'till you see an attractive person on the sidewalk and honk like a madman. Don't let people pull out of their driveways. Instead, speed up, and just as they're about to hit you, hold down your horn and laugh maniacally as you pass. Do it. Prepare yourself for Panama and enjoy the process, it's extremely liberating. 

5. Stop doing all your shopping at one place - No more Walmart, pal! Just give it up. Stop cold turkey. And no more Target either. Instead of buying a bunch of stuff that you kind of like from one store, start to appreciate the finer things in life. And when I say finer, I mean specialty items you can only get at one place (and I don't mean that special pumpkin puree you can only find at Whole Foods).

Stop buying your produce in supermarkets

In Panama, it's very common for people to go to their favorite bakery to get the bread they can't do without. Then, they'll stop by a business (that's actually in someone's home) that bakes the best cakes. Then, they'll go to a fresh produce market to pick up cheap fruits and vegetables. Then, they'll go to a supermarket to get their meats from their favorite butcher before heading over to the Mercado de Mariscos for all their seafood needs. Instead of buying bulk in one shop, start buying what you really like from different vendors. This is life in Panama. 

6. Embrace the cold shower - I swear only Anchorage, Alaska, and Chicago, Illinois rival Panama when it comes to freezing cold water (I've never been to Canada). Maybe it's because your body becomes so used to the hot humid atmosphere. Then, when water is lukewarm, it feels like it's minus 30. 

"But, Chris, I'll make sure I have a hot water heater," you might be thinking. Okay, fair enough. But will your friends and hotels and family members? Chances are, not everyone will have a hot water heater. I've stayed at hotels where my options were to take a freezing cold shower or trust the external water heater device that was plugged in above the mirror and had exposed wires. I went with the cold shower. 

So, to prepare for this, just go without hot water. Do what I do. Stand under the shower head. Hesitate for about five minutes. Remember that hot shower you had that one time at that one bed & breakfast. Think about the cold shower you took in that small community of Nancito in Chiriqui, Panama. Quietly cringe and debate how clean your body really needs to be today. Then, reach out, grab the cold water faucet and crank that sucker up as high as it will go. Next, scream, arch your back, and do that funky little, "Holy cow this is cold" dance. That's how it's done. 

Preparing for no water

And better yet. Fill a big jug full of cold water and take a slow shower under that little stream, just to prepare yourself for the frequent water outages that will occur. I woke up this morning to my daughters warning me the water was out. It happens quite frequently in my neighborhood as there's a lot of construction going on near our house. So, I went out to our emergency water tank we keep full outside, filled up some jugs, and the family showered, brushed teeth, and cooked using this water. 

7. Get used to Spanish subtitles - Whether you're watching TV in your home or out at the movie theater catching the newest flick, there's a good chance you'll be watching it with Spanish subtitles. At Panama movie theaters you have two options. You can either watch a movie that's dubbed in Spanish or watch it in original English format, but with Spanish subtitles. So if you're the type of person who refuses to watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or Pan's Labyrinth simply because you can't stand seeing a movie with subtitles at the bottom, you might want to rethink your move (or stick to watching your DVD collection).

Even Netflix here in Panama automatically assumes you want Spanish subtitles on every show and movie. Of course, you can turn them off, but each and every show starts with subtitles. This is great if you have Panamanian family or friends around wanting to watch with you, it just might take some getting used to on your part.

The Walking Dead on Netflix

So, going forward, from now until you arrive in Panama, put subtitles at the bottom of your movies and turn the captions on on your TV. You don't have to read them (although Spanish subtitles might help you learn Spanish) but seeing them in front of you for two hours at a time will help you prepare yourself for your new movie-watching experience. 

8. Spanish speaking announcers - If you have basic cable here (and not some sort of special black box), you need to know ahead of time that nearly every sporting event you watch will come with Spanish-speaking announcers. 

Yes, this means NFL, UFC, boxing events, and even WWE wrestling. What's super annoying is that you might hear the English speaking announcers there in the background, but they're being overpowered by the Spanish-speaking announcers. The English words you crave are so close...yet oh so far away. If you're lucky, you might find a channel or two that actually plays the event in full English, but be ready to watch with Spanish subtitles. On a side note, you might also miss out on the American commercials during the Super Bowl. This drove me nuts last year. Instead of the cool, hilarious commercials I was waiting for, I got to watch a boring Panamanian version of a Miller Light commercial and maybe three other boring commercials that played over and over again.

If you like wrestling, get ready to listen to these guys

So, to prepare yourself, hire a Spanish-speaking friend to sit next to you on the couch as you watch any sporting event. Then, try really hard to hear the English-announcers while your friend shouts out everything he sees on the screen in Spanish. This should prepare you :)

9. Click "Save" a lot - Internet is high speed (ish) in Panama and electricity is dependable (ish) in Panama. I've been here just over five years and for some reason it seems that in the last two years, I've noticed a lot more power outages than before. This might just mean a short dip or it might mean going without power all day long. I live in Panama City and experience this, and I know people who live in towns in the interior and have complained it.

To prepare yourself for this, start constantly saving any work you do on your computer. Click save every minute or so. You may develop a nervous twitch, haha, but at least your work will not get deleted. 

And if you really want to prepare for this, just tell your spouse or an older child, to randomly, maybe once a week (okay power outages don't happen that often here, but it'll make practice more interesting) turn off the circuit breaker. They shouldn't let you know when they'll do this. You could be watching the NBA finals, taking a hot shower, shaving your face...whenever. Have fun with it. 

10. Cook a little more than usual - Not more often, but more as in the amount of food you cook. Let me explain. When I first moved here, I'd prepare about two pounds of ground beef, two packs of spaghetti, with two jars of sauce. I have four kids so this worked out great. 

That was until family started showing up. Suddenly, as soon as the spaghetti was finished, I'd hear someone at the door. It never failed. Family members showed up when they were invited and even when they weren't. In Panama, family and friends are everything. So be prepared for visitors and cook a little more. Now, I typically make three pounds of beef, three packages of spaghetti, and three jars of sauce. 

To prepare for this, just pretend a family of three is going to ring your doorbell at any moment. And if you don't want your food to go to waste, give it to the homeless or actually invite family and friends over for dinner. 

11. Loud music is a part of life - I don't think it matters where you live in Panama, you better be prepared to hear a variety of music at any hour of the day. At one point, when I lived in Villa Lucre (a small neighborhood in Panama City), there was a night club (disco) right behind my house. I swear reggaeton (Latin reggae) would start at 7pm and would continue until about 9am. Then, the neighbors on my street would play their music as well. One house was the home of an older couple who loved tipico music. So hearing an accordion was very common in the afternoon and early evening. The other house was the home of a young college guy who'd play club, pop, salsa, merengue, and reggaeton late at night on the weekends. 

You should have been there when I was painting the house. It was a Saturday afternoon and reggaeton, salsa, and tipico filled the air. I had my stereo outside and I cranked up my country music. It was an awful, strange blend of music as Charlie Daniels tried to out sing Samy y Sandra Sandoval and Marc Anthony. 

This is the site of my music melting pot paint job

How do you prepare for this? Well, the fun way is to wait until your spouse is sleeping (he or she is moving to Panama with you, right?). Then, creep outside of the bedroom window, pop in a Spanish-language cd (just go with one of Marc Anthony's salsa tunes, you can find his stuff anywhere), turn it all the way up, and push play. Then sit back and laugh as your spouse rolls out of bed and curses you out for the next half hour. 

12. Go fry crazy - I don't say any of this to pick on Panamanians. I love my new people. It's all just fun and games. But honestly, y'all fry everything. Panamanians fry bread (hojaldres), they fry pastries (empanadas), they fry chicken, they fry, they fry tuna, and they fry lunch meat. 

If you don't cook it in your own home, there's a good chance you'll be buying it fried somewhere on a Panamanian street. Okay, don't get me wrong, Panamanians make delicious soup and they do roast and rotisserie chicken and meat sometimes, but the majority of Panama food is fried. 

This is how it's done

So, to prepare for this, start frying everything. Fry breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'll never forget when my mom-in-law visited the U.S. for the first time. She's an awesome cook. But I wasn't used to eating so much fried stuff. For breakfast she'd fry eggs, tortillas, hot dogs (salchichas), and even made french fries...for breakfast. My dad used to toss some potatoes in oil with a weekend dinner or something, but she made a pile of french fries with breakfast. It blew my mind. 

13. Be prepared for quirky road rules - Not only traffic congestion is an issue in Panama, but the addition of some strange road rules can make things confusing. Most of these come into play when Panamanian traffic police are doing all they can to ease that congestion. 

For example, on certain roads, at certain times of the morning or in the evening (rush hour periods), traffic patterns change. You have to be very careful making your way around the city and its suburbs at these times of the day. A road that usually goes in both directions, might suddenly change to a one-way, two-lane road between 6am and 8am. 

Look for signs like this

I've seen people pull onto these streets expecting it to be a regular road, like it usually is, only to come to a screeching halt just before smashing head first into an oncoming car. 

So, if you want to prepare for this, start going the wrong way on a one-way street. Just go for it. Drive straight at an oncoming car, then slam on your brakes at the last second. No, seriously, don't do that. Don't listen to me at all. It's safer that way. 

14. Be ready to hear new music - I don't mean new as in salsa and merengue and tipico and reggaeton. Sure, those styles of music may be completely foreign to you, and you can easily prepare yourself by purchasing a few cds you wouldn't normally listen to.

What I'm talking about is music in English you've probably never heard in your life. I don't know any of the radio stations off the top of my head (as I've stopped listening to most of them and have gone back to my cds and mp3 mixes), but I can tell you that the few times I've tried to find English music on the radio, I was shocked by what I found. 

It seemed that the only music I could find (in English) other than the newer pop and dance stuff that's mixed in with Spanish music, was 80s music. And I don't mean, "You can dance if you wanna..." or "Walk like an Egyptian..." I'm talking the strangest, oddest tunes I've ever heard. I was alive in the 80s and I happen to like 80s music, but I'd never heard 9 out of 10 of the songs played on the radio. I kept thinking, "Where did they get this crap?" It's like the DJs flew to Borat's country and asked what American or British music they listened to in the 80s. 

Maybe something from this soundtrack

So, to prepare for this, bring lots of music you enjoy with you and be ready to listen to a lot of music online. And if you really want to prepare for that strange 80s music you'll hear, maybe find a VCR, go to all your local pawn shops and pick up any 80s movie you've never heard of, and watch them just for the music. Good luck!

15. Religion returns to schools - Yes, Panama is doing it right, in my opinion (sorry if you disagree). Religion is a part of the school system here in Panama. If you go to a public school or a private school, there's probably a 99% chance your child will be taking a religion (and ethics and values) class. And, of course, if your kids go to a Catholic school, or a Jewish school, or a Muslim school, there's 100% chance they'll be learning religion. So, if you have school-age children, be mentally prepared for this. There's no escaping it. God isn't being taken out of the national anthem here and God isn't being taken out of the schools. I hope this doesn't turn off any fans/readers. We all have the right to our opinions and I respect yours whether I agree with or not. But religion in schools is a fact here. 

16. What happened to our fortunes? - Okay, one extra, and on a much lighter note. Well, not really since I love fortune cookies. 

Seriously, do it. 

No more fortune cookies. Seriously. It's sad, I know. I guess fortune cookies are a wacky gringo thing because Panama has a lot of Chinese residents, and quite a few Chinese restaurants, but I've yet to see a freakin' fortune cookie. And I'm sorry to say there really is no way to prepare for this. You just have to accept the heartbreak as it comes.

Well, that's it for my 15 Tips to Mentally Prepare You for Life in Panama. I hope you learned a few things and had some fun in the process. If you feel that some things are missing, such as preparing for green olives being in most of your food, check out my other articles, like 10 Things You Will Hate About Panama by clicking HERE or 15 Quirky Things About Panama And Its People by clicking HERE. 

Don't forget to head over to http://www.PanamaForReal.com to check out all the other tips and tricks I've written about living here and to see the videos, something you're completely missing out on if you're only reading The Stay at Home Gringo. 

Thanks again for reading,

Chris

Battling Depression in Panama

Hey everybody,

Awhile back, before he actually moved to Panama, an online buddy of mine (we need to get together for a beer soon, Todd) asked in an expat forum, how expats deal with depression. It wasn’t that he was depressed himself (he’s an ex-military guy and moves around a lot), but since he was planning a move to Panama, he wanted to know how foreigners in Panama deal with this oh-so-real situation. It was a great question, and it has stuck with me ever since. Depression happens. I’m here in Panama with my wife and 4 kids, and it has happened to me, so I’m sure for those people moving here alone, depression is a serious condition they battle from time to time. And if you’ve ever gone through depression, it can be debilitating if not dealt with properly and immediately.

Now, I’m no web doctor, and I don’t want to scare anyone who's considering a move to Panama. In fact, a move to Panama is probably much easier than a move to many other countries (considering you’ll be using the U.S. dollar, you'll be in the same time zone for the most part, and you can communicate and get back to the U.S. or Canada relatively easily). But it’s not Kansas anymore, Toto. You might experience a little bit of culture shock and even if you don’t, you might at some point ask yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?” If you hang in there long enough, and fight off that urge to pack up and go home, you’ll probably find that a life in Panama is quite rewarding. There’s a reason you considered moving to Panama in the first place. Remember that. You know the saying, The grass is always greener on the other side. Giving up will only make you happy when you first arrive home. Then, maybe a year later, you’re going to be wondering why you didn’t stick around a little longer.

Some of you reading this may be going through a little bit of depression right now. Hopefully by reading this article, you’ll realize that you’re not alone in this, and there are some things you can do to help you battle this feeling.

Feeling down? The first step to battling depression is 

to smear cupcake on your face...like this!

As I write this, I’m sitting in New York Bagels in El Cangrejo, munching on a honey wheat bagel with jalapeño and red pepper cream cheese. I see groups of people gathered together gossiping while eating a light snack. I can see five people with laptops open, using the restaurant’s free Wifi (free with a purchase of any kind). Usually I visit this place to meet one of my friends for breakfast, but today I have no meeting planned. So why am I here? I’m here because I need to get out of the house. I’m starting to feel cooped up. And to beat any of that anxiety or depression that might start rearing its ugly little head soon, I’m getting out in public and feeding off of the energy around me while writing this article. Getting out of the house and around people is one way of beating depression. Let's talk more about what you might experience here in Panama. 

At New York Bagels in El Cangrejo

When you first move to Panama, you’re going to be filled with an electricity, an excitement about ignoring all those people back home who tried to stop you from making this decision. You'll be proud of yourself for finally making the leap. It's a great feeling. You did it. You’re in Panama. It might take a little while for the normal worries to finally sink in, but at some point, some of the following might cross your mind.

My family is so far away – Many of the people trying this retire overseas lifestyle will have children and grandchildren. More than likely, the children are grown, but not hearing the laughter of your grandchildren can be tough. Unless you live in Panama City, you’ll probably find that Panama is a quiet place. If you’ve ever had children running around your living room and climbing over your lap and leaving the toilet seat up (remember I have 2 boys so I hear about this one all the time), that lack of wild energy might be overwhelming. Silence is extremely loud when it’s all you hear. Marlene reminded me of this often when we lived in our little apartment in Anchorage, Alaska. She missed the sound of car horns and birds and noisy neighbors. So for many people living in the interior of Panama, this may be a lot to bear.

How do you deal with this?

Well, if you need any immediate being-around-kids fix, take a walk. Go somewhere you know children will be and get some exercise. Just take a stroll past a school or go to a park. If you’re in Panama City, Parque Omar in San Francisco is an excellent place to go. Kids are everywhere playing on jungle gyms and running and tumbling. You’d be surprised. The lively sounds of kids at play might help a little bit, and getting out of the house and enjoying some fresh air will definitely make you feel a little better.

Parque Omar is a colorful and lively park full of children's laughter

Make sure you have Skype installed on your computer and have frequent Skype meetings with your family members. If you both have Skype installed, it’ll be free. We do live video chats with my mom every Sunday. She sees the kids and they see her as if they’re in the same room. It definitely helps us keep in touch. If we didn’t do this, my kids would have a hard time remembering Grandma. If you’re not sure how to do this, just go to the following link and download the program to your computer. Then tell your family to do the same. Just go to www.skype.com.

If you really want to feel in touch with your family, make sure you have Whatsapp installed on your phone. Your family members and friends will need to download it too. It’s free, or I think actually $1 per year. Make sure they put your phone number in as +507 and your number. My mom and brothers have Whatsapp and we chat on our phones as if we’re all living on the same block. Another cool app a friend recently told me about is Glide. With Glide, you can video chat on your phone the same way you’d chat on Whatsapp. You set it up pretty much the same way, and you can video chat right on your phone, sending messages back and forth with your loved ones.

Also, with devices like Magic Jack (I know there are many others out there, but I have a Magic Jack thanks to my good friend Michael Drouillard) you can call and receive calls as if you’re in the same country as your loved ones. I have a Miami phone number hooked up to it. I think it’s only like $30 a year to be able to do this. What phone company would let you make unlimited calls to another country for only $30 per year? The last time I was in the U.S., I saw Magic Jacks in stores like Walmart, Walgreens, and CVS, so I know they’re easy to get. You can check out their website too at www.magicjack.com. 

I just want to feel self-sufficient – One thing that I’m sure all expats deal with, is the feeling that you can’t get anything accomplished on your own. If you don’t come here knowing at least a little bit of Spanish, you may have even more trouble with this one. I speak very little Spanish and I battle with this a lot. 

I think, even for Spanish-speaking expats, learning to adapt to the Panamanian way of life will still be a challenge. For example, a Venezuelan couple at my kids’ school seemed to have a bit of a hard time when the folklore teacher sent out a note saying that all kids must bring cutarras and a sombrero for boys or the pollera and babuchas for girls (for more on these Panama items, read my article on Panama school tips and pointers here). 

My kids modeling the congo-style folklore clothes

Being new to Panama, they had no idea where to get these things. Everyone told them to go to Sal si Puedes, which is a shopping area on Ave. Central (near Casco Viejo), but since they didn’t know their way around, even though they spoke Spanish, this was like Greek to them. So, feeling that you can’t accomplish things on your own might make you feel a little bit down.

Sal si Puedes is the shopping area to the left and right of that stoplight

How do you deal with this?

First, it’s not a fix-all, but it will be tremendously helpful if you learn to speak Spanish. Enroll in a local class (which will also help you make friends here). If you can speak the language, at least you can ask questions when you don’t understand something or know where something is. Duolingo is a great app for your phone and a great program to have on your computer. It’s free and is kind of like a social media (ish) kind of language learning program. It’s like a mix between Rosetta Stone and Facebook. The website is www.duolingo.com. I've tried it, it seems pretty cool, I just haven't had the time to devote to really using it as a learning tool. You guys will have to let me know if it works for you.

Take classes to meet people and get out of the house. I saw this sign in the city.

Something else that’s great to do is get involved with the Facebook and Yahoo groups. I usually stick with the Facebook ones as I’ve run into a lot more negativity on the Yahoo ones (not saying everyone there is negative, guys). By getting involved in the Panama Facebook groups, you can learn so much. People there are so helpful. There’s so much free info online right now that you don’t need to pay the big companies for packets and reports. Just ask the people already living in Panama. If you need to find out how to get your registration renewed on your car, ask in the Facebook groups. If you need a recipe or need to find out if anyone is selling a piece of furniture you're looking for...ask on Facebook.

Something else you should definitely do is read the local blogs. So many people have moved here and started telling people about their adventures. What better way to find out how to accomplish things than to read the tales of those who’ve done it? I’ve seen blogs from people living in David, Pedasi, Boquete, neighborhoods in Panama City, and in many other places. Just go to the Panama For Real, Other Panama Blogs page to see some of the blogs from Panama bloggers. Click here to go to that page. 

Sometimes you feel like this (this is a real medicine I saw at the pharmacy here)

Lastly, you just have to force yourself to try. I know, it’s tough, and sometimes I just don’t feel like struggling through a task, but I’ve had my car stereo changed out, I’ve had tires plugged, I’ve gotten my driver’s license, I’ve traveled around by bus, and rode the Metro. So sometimes you just have to do your best to take care of things. And if all else fails, ask around until you find a bilingual person because usually, those Panamanians who can speak English, will be happy to help you.

I’m not sure I fit in here – If you had a large group of friends back home, went out to a bar after work with coworkers, or got together often with neighbors to have barbecues, you might feel a little bit lonely in Panama. Panamanians are super friendly for the most part, but you might not know that if you’re locked up in the house all the time. You might be feeling like Panamanians want nothing to do with you and you can’t seem to find any of these expats in Panama you heard so much about. Trust me, I know. I’ve walked through areas that I heard were crawling with expats, and didn’t see a single one. When I did my report on Volcan, I saw not one single foreigner (at least not one obvious foreigner). I take that back, I did see two backpackers walking through town, but I mean I didn’t see anyone who lived there. And I’ve always heard that Volcan has a sizeable expat community.

And finding a fellow foreigner doesn’t always mean they’ll be nice to you, lol. It’s sad, but true. Many people move to Panama to escape their fellow countrymen and you might bump into some of these unpleasant people. There are some people hiding out in Panama’s little towns, who aren’t very nice. Don’t get me wrong, there are friendly foreigners all over the place. Just hop on the Internet and check out any of the Facebook or Yahoo groups. The people sharing info are the nice ones. The ones that simply tell you to pick another country, with no explanation…those are the ones you don’t want to bother with. 

How do you deal with this?

I’ve already mentioned taking classes, but it applies here as well. If you enroll in a Spanish class, you’ll not only learn the language, but you’ll meet people as well, people who, like you, are doing what it takes to get by here. You’ll also feel more comfortable speaking with Panamanians. Panamanians are great people, but many of them don’t speak English. Plus, many who do are usually embarrassed to try to speak English, so if you want to make friends with Panamanians, speaking Spanish will help a lot. Panamanians appreciate it when we try.

Join other classes too. This will help immensely when it comes to fighting off boredom, which I’ll talk more about in the next topic. If you want to meet people, you have to get out of the house. Join a yoga class, a martial arts class, or any other kind of class you find available. Go to a gym. Casco Viejo/Casco Antiguo often has stuff going on, like salsa classes or martial arts classes.

I’ve mentioned the Facebook groups already, but check there too. You’ll find groups like YEP, Young Expats in Panama, which is always holding get-togethers in local bars and restaurants. https://www.facebook.com/YoungExpatsinPanama.PARTIES?fref=ts

This is tomorrow, so short notice, but Roba Morena puts on these things all the time

You might even find clubs to join. I recently saw a book club meeting where club members were getting together to read Game of Thrones. I love Game of Thrones, but I’ve already read the book and not sure I can sit through it again (it’s a long freakin’ book, man). Things like the Roba Moreno recycling fairs are great chances to get out and meet people too. http://www.robamorena.com/feriayoreciclo/

I just need someone to talk to – You may find yourself just needing someone to talk to. It’s not quite the same as needing friends to hang out with at the bar or people to get together with to watch the Super Bowl. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. You just need to talk to people and vent your frustrations.

How do you handle this?

One good way to handle this, and it’s kind of like old school diary writing or keeping a journal, is to start your own blog. Why not? Everyone else is doing it. It doesn’t matter how many readers you have or how many visitors you get on your blog. It matters that you have your own story to tell. If you want to talk about your trouble finding toilet paper that doesn’t cut your rump, just do it. I have to tell you, when you have something to say, speaking to someone, even when it’s writing it out on a blog, can feel great. And it's free unless you go the difficult route. Wordpress.com and Blogger.com and many others offer free blogs. You’ll just have to play around with it until you figure it out. Who knows, maybe you’ll help someone else with a problem by writing something you’ve gone through.

Dr. Juha Lehti, the Net Psychiatrist at www.onlinepsychiatrist.net

Another great resource for helping you combat depression and to help you just get things off your chest, is my good friend, Dr. Juha Lehti. Dr. Juha Lehti, is a psychiatrist from Finland, living here in Panama, and since he knows all about being an expat, he's literally been there. Now he’s running a web psychiatry site. He can help you with depression and a lot of other issues, all without ever having to leave your home. He’ll meet with you over the Internet through live one-on-one chat sessions, kind of like Skype. It’s something new that he’s doing and I think it’s an awesome idea. He speaks English, Spanish, and of course, Finnish. He’s offering free consultations to our readers, so if you need to speak with a specialist, check out Dr. Juha Lehti's website at: www.onlinepsychiatrist.net.

I don't know if I can handle the boredom – You can definitely find things to do if you live in the city, but if you’re like me, and have lived in places like Chicago or New York City, you might find life in Panama to be a bit boring, especially if you live out in the interior. I used to take my kids to the Naperville Children’s Museum in the Chicago area or to the Seaquarium or to Navy Pier. We’d go for a walk down Michigan Ave. When I first moved to Panama, I felt really bored. I couldn’t really just walk somewhere. It’s not like that here. Not unless you live in downtown Panama City, and even then, Panama City still isn’t really a walking town (cracked sidewalks and crazy traffic might make you think twice about hoofing it).

This kid's not letting boredom get to him

If you live in the interior you might hit the beach, go walking on a mountain trail, or swim in a river. You might fish or get together with others at an expat or local hangout, but you can only do those things so often before you might find yourself bored again.

Go to the mall and do some climbing like Nico and Matteo

Or maybe it’s not finding something fun to do that’s got you bored in the first place. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re no longer working. Think about it, you’ve probably worked most of your life. You had to get up to that dreaded alarm, shuffle through your daily get-up-and-go routine, then spend 8-10 (maybe more) hours of your day trying to earn a paycheck. You don’t have to do that anymore. We spend most of our lives dreaming about the moment we no longer have to worry about working, then, when the time comes to retire, the lack of daily responsibility can be almost alarming.

What do you do when you no longer have anything to do?

How do you deal with this?

Let’s start with that last problem first. As difficult as it might seem (and it is difficult) you have to remember why you moved to Panama in the first place. It’s time to relax. If you’re not still working here, you can finally just chill out, and not worry about having daily duties. Allow yourself time with a book in your hammock or time to just walk the dog around the block. Allow yourself the freedom you waited all this time for.

Allow yourself time to relax

Do some tourist activities. You’re in a foreign country. Panama has a lot to offer if you just get with the program. Look online on websites and in the Facebook groups. You can go river rafting, visit some of the indigenous tribes, take a tour through Panama City, or go on a walking tour through Casco Viejo. My friend Sharon is taking people on tours through the old town. Check out her website at www.cascoantiguotours.com. Go ziplining or spend the night in an all-inclusive resort. Go dancing. You’re in Panama, so get out and act like it. If you don’t know how to dance, just do the gringo rock, the gringa sway.

Go see a movie. At the time of writing this article, the Cinemark theaters have an awesome deal. Every Thursday, if you show your PriceSmart shopping membership card, you get two tickets for the price of one. Wednesdays are the regular discount day when tickets are just over $2.

If you live in or around Panama City, start going to some of the conventions and fairs that take place at the ATLAPA Convention Center. I plan to start doing this myself. They’re usually free and you can gather a ton of info from these things (and usually take home free samples and all kinds of other prizes). The following link will take you to a web page that’s great for keeping up with events going on in the area: http://www.cuandopasa.com/index.php?v=m17000000b&p=2

If you’re still bored, take a trip by bus. Just ditch your car and hop on a bus. It’s incredibly cheap and will give you the chance to discover the small towns in Panama. Go horseback riding in El Valle de Anton, take a small boat over to Isla Iguana from the beach in Pedasi, go fishing in Volcan, hang out with other expats at a restaurant in Boquete. You don’t have to live in these places to enjoy them. You’re in Panama. The entire country can be your backyard (it's only about as big as Rhode Island). You’ll have a lot of fun, I’m sure of it.

Don't be afraid to take the bus (but try to get on the nice air-conditioned

ones you see at the top right of the photo

If traveling isn’t your thing, and you still feel the need to work, why don’t you volunteer with one of the churches, schools, or charitable organizations? Panama definitely has no shortage of places to volunteer. If you have musical talents, help teach music at one of the schools. If you’re a basketball coach, help teach basketball at a camp. I was asked to help coach flag football. If you're a pro, share your knowledge.

Living  in Panama, you can either choose to enjoy the boredom and immerse yourself in total relaxation, or don’t do that at all. There’s plenty to do if you look for it.

Sensory Overload – Panama can be a lot to take in for some people. Everyone thinks they’re ready to move to a warm, tropical paradise. Leaving the snow behind (the constant shoveling and scraping of ice off the windshield) sounds like paradise. But Panama is hot. It’s really hot and humid. I sweat a lot naturally, and I drink a ton of water which probably only makes me sweat more, lol. I’ve been here 5 years and I’m still trying to adapt to this. Let me say this again, Panama is hot and humid. You are going to sweat when you come here. Don’t be shocked by this. You’ll eventually adapt to it. I remember feeling miserable at one point. Now, I just feel sweaty. And I try to stay near a fan or an AC vent if possible.

Bugs are something else you may not be used to. Again, this is the tropics. I’m not trying to be sarcastic. People seem to forget this. They come here and they say, “Hey, I wanted the sun and the beach, but what’s with all the heat and humidity and mosquitos?”

If the heat really bothers you, you might want to move to a higher elevation town. Boquete has nice crisp evenings. So do the other mountain towns like El Valle de Anton and Volcan and Cerro Punta. The gated communities of Cerro Azul and Altos del Maria are also known for having cooler temperatures. Mosquitos are pretty much everywhere, as with most other bugs, so you’ll need to keep a can of Off around or some other kind of repellant.

The traffic is something else that will drive you mad, and if you live in Panama City, you won’t be able to escape it.

How do you handle this?

Unfortunately, the only real way to handle this is to give yourself time. You’ll need time to adapt to Panama’s heat, humidity, pesky little creatures, and the traffic. You can ease the traffic situation by getting the heck out of the city. Or buy a motorcycle. But for the most part, you’ll just need to give yourself time to adapt.

Focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad, like your ability to 

buy fresh coconut water (known as pipa here) from this guy for $1

For an immediate fix, try to find places that remind you of home, like maybe a nice, air-conditioned cafe. Sometimes this can lead to some unnecessary spending though, as my home-away-from-home was Riba Smith when I first moved here. The Riba Smith supermarket in Costa del Este has wide aisles and tons of imported goods. Every time I enter that store, I lean on my grocery cart, and just relax. Multiplaza Mall is another spot that might make you feel a little closer to home as you'll recognize so many of the stores there. They even opened a Chuck-E-Cheese and a Ruby Tuesday recently. 

I think I’ve made a mistake – As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, you might find yourself thinking that you may have made a mistake. It’s normal. I’ve been through it and I’m sure many other readers have been through it. This is a foreign land and for everything that’s easier, there’s something else more difficult. The trick is to give yourself time. Don’t give up. Don’t you dare! Not yet! 

If you give up too early, you might not have the chance to be

this excited about slices of fresh mango

Try some of the things I mentioned in this article. If you haven’t tried them all, then you can’t give up yet. You owe yourself more time. You spent a lot of time considering this move, I’m sure. I don’t want to get all religious on you, but if nothing in this article helps, try to find a good church. That might even be your first step. Praying might help lift your spirits, and being around others might help you fight boredom, make a friend, learn a little Spanish, and could definitely help you feel like you fit in. Chances are, you didn’t make a mistake by coming here. You’re here. So rather than undo all the hard work that brought you here, find a way to make this make sense…or you’ll be kicking yourself later when you’re back home scraping ice off your windshield and picking up another DVD out of the Redbox at your local supermarket. Yup, I’ve been there J

Thanks for reading,

Chris